Forging A New Self

Hello all!

It is with great excitement that I begin to write this little tale. I haven't read through the other introductions yet, as I often let myself get worried about making the best anything I might be doing. I just want to write, let my story out, and start something.

I found this community quite by accident, having stumbled upon it after a Google search on the topic behind the science of masturbation and the benefits of abstaining from it for a while. Already I've been quite impressed with the welcome I've received from mumchance, Anne-Dauphine, and alexander, and I really appreciate the environment of people just trying to help people.

I am a 21 year old male, and am a student in university. I adore playing music, as that makes me feel happier than nothing else in the world. I am interested in the science behind people's minds and brains, and am very fond of computers, spending hours working with technology. I love animals, especially my own little jaguar, my cat. I enjoy helping people, even if I'm loathing being anywhere but by myself.

That loathing comes deeply from heavy anxiety. I am anxious about a lot of things, but one of the worst is being around people. This, of course, is only compounded by my dealings with manic-depressive bipolar disorder. I've gotten myself into a lot of trouble with being manic, and then left in a very difficult point by the inevitable swing back to depression.

I have massive goals and aspirations. If I could, I would be everywhere and do everything, as there is just so much to see out there, so much to learn. I love reading and thinking, and hope someday to put that to use in becoming a researcher in the aforementioned brain sciences. I believe that if I can just make one push, one little bit of assistance to the solution of a problem, any problem affecting humankind, I will be satisfied I have made good of my life.

I frequently skirt or run headlong into mistake and error, though, and for all my merry aspirations there comes with regularity the foes of obsession and blindness to trouble. I tend frequently to biting off way more than I can chew, leading to much getting left undone. I let myself get discouraged towards what I hope to achieve.

I believe that much of my distress comes from the fappening. Pornography of any variety, consumed in great volume. Masturbation chosen over the accomplishment of much anything, including basically important tasks like cleaning, laundry, eating, or sleeping. The regular periods of disappointment in myself. And most importantly the exacerbation of the maladies that plague me.

I know that a lot of my problems have root in other things, be it events in my childhood or chemical imbalances, but I am absolutely positive that they are only made worse by my addiction to masturbation, and sexual activity in general.

There's a lightened place in the distance, though, and I've got close to it a number of times. Holding back from fapping has often left me feeling better than never before, accomplishing things in short bursts that would take me significantly longer otherwise. More positivity in life, a better feeling body, and a noticeable response from my friends and family to my spirits, and renewed vigour.

With so much positive coming from abstaining, it's a wonder how I would do anything but avoid masturbating. As I am sure many of you have found well, though, through many years of heavy involvement my brains circuitry has become very addicted.

That's why I am here. I know I can get to the life I want to have, and perhaps in helping myself and being accountable I can help others. I know I will falter, that is to be sure, but achieving my goals is entirely possible.

It is wonderful to meet all of you, and I look forward to becoming a part of this community. Thank you.

 

Thank you for the link, Kurapika!

I have not been there before, so I will happily check that out. I appreciate it!