Journal #10 Things are going pretty well, but about 15 minutes I was scrolling through my twitter bookmarks, the last of my collection that I had forgot about and I was getting close to relapsing until I had got a notification from my bible app, saved by the lord, looking out for me. Or at least that’s what I like to think. none the less I did not end up relapsing and cleared out the bookmarks, now I’m watching the show with Ted haha.
Journal #10 I haven’t journaled since Monday, work has been keeping me busy, I relapsed on Wednesday morning, I really think I’m not addicted anymore I don’t have the urge to look at it every chance I get,
Dude you DON'T sound like a baby. Not even a little bit. If anything you are becoming the opposite of that by doing what you are doing and taking the steps you are taking. "sheltering myself in my room has hidden my real life problems" I've done the same most my life too. So don't ever feel like you are alone on that. Depending on how long you've been doing it for, and if you are like me, it's been A LONG TIME. Than we have to understand that it is actually going to be a conscious fight to change at first. It just is because we have programmed ourselves a certain way. The fact that is SO easy to program ourselves in the wrong way and SO hard to undo that is incredibly frustrating no doubt. But good news is we finally woke up and realized that this isn't ACTUAL life. It is just made up comfort zones we have had for soooo long. It's okay though. One step at a time. We can break the cycle completely and reverse our wiring to have a REAL understanding AND perspective on how life REALLY is. Not just some bs we pull up through our web browsers whenever we want. That has and WILL ALWAYS be a LIE we are telling ourselves. I promise you that man. Hope that helped in some way. March on brother. No worries too we are only human afterall!
Means a lot my man, I haven’t journal in a long time , I am going to keep pushing forward, I decided to this life style change due to the slowness in work, but recently has picked up and I am feeling better than ever, despite working 67 hours in 6 days, and in the past I would just PMO, but now I am trying to learn other things, such as making money online, and Spanish. I appreciate the reply,
Journal #11 Since I have been cutting this addiction out of my life, interactions with people are much more tolerable, before I couldn’t even hold eye contact but now I can have actual conversations and talk more. Pmoing really messed up my life because I was so addicted to the dopamine the stuff I was getting into makes me really regret watching any of it.
I'm glad you're seeing results of NoFap...that is incredible and gives others in the community hope. That being said, I personally don't regret the past, nor shut the door on it. At times I must remember the pain, shame, and guilt...as this is my catalyst for getting sober and staying stopped. Wishing you the absolute best!
Remembering the the shame and guilt is something I should start doing, there will be nights where I want to go back but I’m controlling my self control
When I'm really struggling, I "play the tape back" and allow myself to feel that shame and guilt I would feel during active addiction. Doing this exercise puts the reality of my addiction in perspective and derails my desires to act out...most of the time.
Journal #12 It has been a month since I journaled, I keep failing every few days, I keep failing myself, no excuses, I need to be more disciplined, and stop falling for temptation
Journal #13 Analyzing the best few weeks, since I have cut back on PMOing, It feels like I have been missing on life so much, every few days I relapse, and, I’m starting to see results emotionally and physically, every time I do it the next day I feel like shit, but I go a few days I’m more active, more eager to achieve more things in life, then I relapse, how do I stop myself from pmoing? For me I think it’s to find hobbies and more activities,also to get out my comfort zone. Good luck future Jose. The old one has to go.
Journal #14 Here we go, 1 week of without fapping, my mind is so mind so much clear. It was a rough month in February where I felt like I was going back to my old self, but the new me refuses to go back to that dark place. I’d be lying if I said the urges are gone, as I’m writing this I feel a urge, but I know better, I know how I’ll feel after doing it, going to the gym, eating more healthy foods and reading books has helped me a lot, I know I can continue to enjoy the ride.
