Hi, I was a porn addict but i quit more than two months ago and i was always masturbating with porn, i have a gf and i confessed my problem and we got thru it and i never looked at porn for over 2 months now. I never had erection problems and i was always getting hard while we're kissing or touching or when i see her in sexy clothes, but we never had real sexual interactions. Recently this week I was able to touch her boobs and play with her nipples and she was turned on and so was I, then after that we started sexting and she finally became to tell me how wet she gets nd how much turned on i make her, and i was getting so hard just by sexting and then we started masturbating together while sexting and I've never been that hard in ma life and also i lasted so long and i thought that i was recovered from porn effects. Today we met and we finally started interacting more sexually and we were kissing and i was touching her boobs and licking em but i didn't get hard and then i could feel that she was so wet while touching her but still nthng for me and even when she began to get me off and sucking my dick i wasn't hard at all and i felt soo bad and embarrassed since it's our first time but she didn't told me it's okay but i was so insecure. Please tell me is it still porn effect orr what's going oon or is it just for first time cuz i couldn't get hard at all nd i was loosing it even if i tried meanwhile she was so turned on and she got so much orgasms while i was rubbing her down there.Please help.
Questions. How old are you? Do you understand that sexting is porn? Do you also understand that what you are experiencing is a form of erectile dysfunction associated with masturbation and pornography use?
First m 20yo. Second I've read in so much threads here that sexting can help replacing porn use into a healthier thing while interacting with actual human u have feelings for and not just some random ones in porn videos and I have no problem getting hard while sexting but i just freaked out when I couldn't get hard at all when we were doing the real thing. I wouldn't be here if I understood something so please explain and thanks for your reply. p.s 1 : It is our both first time. p.s 2 : We haven't had any sex.
OK lease allow me to enlighten you a little. You're quite young. If you think about the age at which you exhibit these problems this was unheard of at your age just 20 years ago. So the PIED you are experiencing is a direct result of your porn/masturbation use. Well that explains a lot. I wouldn't use the term "help". I would use the term substitute. You're just substituting one dysfunctional characteristic for another. You're brain is still going to operate dysfunctionally. You're witnessing the very definition of it unfolding right in your lap. A sex addict will seek that which allows them to continue. Only you can't if you really want healing. Try to quit anything that you continue to engage in some manner and you'll be sure to find yourself right back doing the same thing you were doing that prompted you to stop in the first place. Your brain still sees your gf as pixels and not a person. You're objectifying her body parts and not her as a human being. It is that complicated yet it is that simple. Please don't try to defend it with whatever idiotic information you read somewhere on the internet. As far as your brain is concerned it is not ok. Keep doing this and you'll keep having the same problem. Keep doing this and you will make it very difficult to overcome. Your window of opportunity for the easier fix is closing fast. When the prefrontal cortex is completely developed then its a very big uphill battle to overcome it. That's about age 25 for you in case you were wondering. I'm sure it did freak you out. Consider this a wake up call. When young men have PIED at your age it is almost always because of porn use and/or masturbation. No amount of visits to a urologist semen retention hormone levels whatever is gonna fix it. Fixing it is all within you. So why are you here? To appease your gf? To become a better person? To fix your dick? That's the first question our counselor asked us.
Well I gotta reply for your saying that thing about objectifying her. For the record we've been together for more than 2 years and ya we didn't engage sexually until now, we were kissing and touching but never reached to sexual engagements and also I've never objectified her because we started as a long dis relationship and I loved her before even getting to be around her or to see her as an "object" as u say, so you better know what you are talking about, and no I don't feel the same since i quit porn and i don't seek to satisfy my desires, because sure thing i can control my desires since the time i decided to quit for real and i haven't been exposed to any sexual content for over than 2 months, and i controlled it very well, what we do now we did it for love and not to satisfy me because i didn't even seek for it and we started sexting to show our desires for each other as anyone in a relationship do, and not to satisfy any desire as u say, because i don't have any desire now unless i wanted it with her, so note that point well and give me a helpful answer. Thanks for your answer anyways.
Young man I don’t care how long you’ve been together…what your relationship looked like prior to this…how you loved her so. If you’re jerking off to her through video or pictures you’re objectifying her. Why must you defend your actions on this? You reached out for help. I provided you with a knowledgeable explanation and you want to dismiss it as if I don’t know what I’m talking about. The problem is I do know what I am talking about and you would be smart to heed the advice of someone whose partner has successfully gone through it. Either way it’s not my problem. It’s yours. So do with it whatever you want. If you think 2 months is control you don’t have the faintest idea what addiction has done to you or what you are dealing with. 2 months while great is just a minor stepping stone. 90 days is a stepping stone. If you think that does it you are sorely mistaken. This brain healing doesn’t take months but years to develop. I greatly applaud your 2 months. I wouldn’t get so cocky about it. You’re just getting started. You need to ask yourself this question that my counselor asked me once. Do you want to hear what you “want” to hear or do you want to hear what you “need” to hear? You’re sexting while it is your intention to show your desires for one another is very detrimental to both of you. It affects your brains in ways that you cannot possibly fathom. So go ahead and do whatever you want. I gave you a helpful answer and you just didn’t want or like that answer. That is my final answer. I wish you the best of luck.
The thing is : I DON'T. My last answer was about objectifying her that's all. We never did nudes until one last time and no I'm not jerking off to them and didn't look at them another time. I don't mean to ignore your advice and I'm seeking for experience like yours and that's why I'm here, I was just making you see my position clearly. And NO I'm not cocking about my healing and I know it means nothing so far, as I was exposed to porn for too much long period and from younger age. And if it was important I'd like to mention that I only was doing it 1 to 2 times a week or more but for so much years. I am 19 days short to my 90 days goal without porn, I wanna know what will happen after it, and what real recovery is since I never lived any way else than an addict, so clearly I don't have some clear idea but I'm sure m not the kind of guys who only thinks about sex and sexy parts while looking at a girl, I barely look at girls in street, so saying things about objectifying my gf really hurt me as I never was that kind before. I just wanna know if sexting gonna make things worst for me, and what to do about my problem in getting hard, also we weren't in some really private place so I was thinking of what is someone sees us, so can distraction be a reason? Thanks again for your reply and hope you got my point and to share more experience with me.
I think the point that you’re missing is that by sexting you’re receiving similar gratification that you would receive with watching porn. Even if it’s your gf on the other end of that screen, your brain subconsciously digests the stimulation as porn and that’s why you’re able to achieve an erection. Think about it, you’re relying on your phone for sexual conversations and probably exchanging pics with her and that’s getting you aroused. I’m a bit older than you and when I was younger we didn’t have the term sext we called it “cybersex” and it is a form of porn. So yes. I would say sexting is like porn.
Thanks for your reply, and I'm really starting to get the bigger picture here. I was confused because I can get aroused with her in real life as well, and not just behind screens, and I get full erection while we're just together talking or holding hands or kissing, what really confused me is when we got to the real thing I couldn't get hard, although I wanna mention that we only sexted for 2 times before meeting and having my problem and it was all in the same week. Anyway, thanks because I get why sexting is harmful, and I wanna ask if it can be healthier by not getting addicted to it. Also should I abstain from any sexual contact with her? And what should I keep and what not. I have all this confusions and I hope from anyone who is reading this to help with his experiences and advices. Thanks!
