ED and Porn? true horror story

Hi there fellow fapsters,

since it is suggested to stard an introucing thread, i will just briefly take your attention on who I am and what my goals are.

First off: I live in a relationship for over five years now and I really plan to go further with my Girl than just living together. Being in my late 20ies, I usually have no problem with porn related contend and used to consume it a lot. When I started my studies I was eventually confronted with this addiction, because I wanted to practice more selfcontrol. My Girlfriend being on travel over longer periods or me studying abroad encouraged me to try some time off the jukebox - which proved to be harder than I expected. So I accepted a self induced 30-Day challange only to find myself cheating by bynning porn from my browser on the one hand and downloading it peer to peer on the other. This was the point when I realized: I was addicted. I had two choices: banning it completely or accepting it - lying to myself was not an option and felt really low. I started with the latter andwent on for 2 Years. during the last year however I realized that something was off. sex with my girl didn't give me the drive anymore and I consumed porn whenever I could. And there the problems arose leading to my erectile dysfunction today. I know there are many factors to this condition and I am currently working on all of those - also consulting a doc - but I instantly knew where the problem was. Now I not only feel like half a man but also lost my selfrespect. And I feel like this for over a year now - and imagine my Girlfriend's frustration with it while she's being supportive and understanding; but I can sense her frustration. I evend don't want to try anymore to have sex with her because of the possibility of failure.

Ant there we have the reason I want to get away from Porn. Porn, not masturbation. It however seems to be mandatory to reduce that as well. Last Monday I started a small calender which should help me abstaining. And today I failed (ok, after 1 1/2 weeks) becaue I wanted to know if the hardon would work with porn. I basically ruined my selfinduced therapy which made me realize that I needed help.

My Goals:
no more fapping to porn (incl. everything alike)for 8 Weeks!
msturbation is allowed rarely (1x/week)
getting my virility back and having splendid sex with the woman i love

This goals are accompained by a strict workout: 10km running 3x/week, Gym Workout 2x/week, which proved to keep my mind on track and helps with (possible?) cardiovascular issues - and making me more attractive for my woman I hope.

I really welcome this help and just want to use this opportunity to give my thanks and respect to every user and supporter here.

in hoping to succeed,

Vincent

 

oh yeah, btw. I will keep daily updates for anyone interested from now on in order to get it done. Therefore I would really appreciate any help.

thanks in advance

 

Good luck to you as well, my friend. cutting it all might be the better solution but it does not come as a realistic goal to me as I have problems concentrating if it gets to hard. And I need to restore my sexuality by turning away from heavy fast masturbation to a more sensual experience which might help feeling more during sex. I hope we both will succeed, no I am sure we will.

 

puh, today is difficult. It gets worse when stress amounts itself to a high level. My master Thesis is pressing, i got debts to pay today, my pc is breaking apart and - of course - my dick still does not react even to me. Ok. I didn't watch any porn so the goal is still set. But it gets more and more frustrating. I Did half an hour of workout and i'm still angry and frustrated. I gotta leave for work now but hell is this really what my life's gonna be like? I hope the frustration comes from not watching porn - although i seriously doubt it 'cause other stuff is bothering me way worse. If everytime my stresslevel rises my dong gets limp and i lose sexual interest (wich happened today an I kinda forced me to masturbate to relive stress - there goes my on time a week...fuck). well...I'm sure it's going to be better in the evening.....work can relive stress i read ^^. so far for my update.

 

Thanks,man. That helped. Actually, working helped as well. Today is uni-day so i am pretty relaxed. Yesterday I took a break from my everyday life and visited a friend. Seems like a good day today, since i don't even have an urge to watch porn. doing my workout routine helps fine also and strangely enough i started cooking instead of sitting in front of my pc yesterday. Shifting concentration i think. Yes, I feel like i can do it!!! And thanks to all of you

 

back to give my daily update. Afer another doc visit i now am on L-Arginine and Maca to increase my bloodflow and libido. Well, since i am only using it for 3 Days now i can't say anything about its potency-powering but I can say that it is helping my Workout. I feel a lot fitter and more vibrant and have much more energy and strength. At least it feels like it. The Porn thing goes on as anticipated. And although I have the urge sometimes, I can handle it with a child protection add on in my browser reminding me of my challange. Although i can't say that i feel different I think it is going to change my life for the better.

 

Update on day 8. I feel good. And although I really want to get off I manage to restrain myself. Only difficult thing is that my erection still isn't back because right now I really want to fuck and my girlfriend wants, too. But healing takes time...and I knew it was going to be difficult. up for another day!!

Oh by the way: Maca and L-Arginine still give me a push! workout's gotten better and I have sexual desired not related to doing the "mouse and cock" thing. It really feels good.

 

Day 11. Pretty nice. I have a good feeling and had an erection unrelated to any stimulation. For me this is prove that noFap works - although i just don't watch Porn anymore (MO is done 1 a week but in a very sensitive and totally isolated way - no visual or auditive stimuli and very slow. This helps me personally to rewire myself in sense of sexual behaviour and to restore my sensitivity and tolerance to soft sex).
good day today, I'd say!

 

day 12 is going smothly. even got an erection without any stimulis

 

OK, back for an Update. I was busy in the meantime. But not pornbusy. Challange is still on and I feel stronger than ever. I even realized some improvements to my ED. Now the morning wood is back and I can get a hardon just from putting on my underwear. -> but the good weather and the short clothes make the hornyness really difficult to handle....but hey, tomorrow it is going to be 2 weeks without porn and I don't really miss it. This is great!

 

Today is day 16 and I failed. I did not jerk to porn or O to it but I looked at and worse googled for a certain scene until I found it on a tublr site. It was a picture but it aroused me and I touched myself.
And since It was my goal not to look at porn I just failed regardless the circumstances.

Therefore I will reset the counter and start from scratch. I feel embrassed for myself because I thought I was doing well. Not so cool I would say. but it is as it is. I will not give up and I will eventually succeed. Also i will keep everybody here posted. these 15 Days without Porn however surely changed somethig in me which I am goint to intensify. No more excuses.

 

day 2 of my second try. I think I learned something from the first one and from my relypse as well. I would say that I found the will to conquer myself and throw that bugging porn stuff out of my brain. It really chaines me down. And I don't feel really strong and free as long as i feel this urge to watch porn. it is actually not the MO part that is difficult for me. it is the "I need Porn" part which makes me go nuts and lose myself. I think it is really like smoking. Easy to quit for some days, then it gets harder and harder. And eventually the urge is so strong you feel like it is best to give in. Of course to give in is al loss. But we're at war and one battle is nothing. Because even if you failed you still succeeded for a certain time. Basically I need to make the times I succeed happen more often and the ones I fail less until they become null or at least as seldom as I can live with. I really have to say: this reboot works! If you are into it, it works. My erections are coming back and I feel more selfesteem dwelling. Now the 17 days, 21 next, then 30. The more I try the higher chances get for me to make it happen!!!

 

day 3 second try.
I realize now how very hard it is. My only options are to be away from a possibility. This means I only take my computer/phone and use it at places, where I cannot PMO or just watch P. This is helpful but I feel strange, more like I don't have the power to make it.... Thinking about it: I hat this "cmon just quit" sensation many times in these past 5 years. But I will fight to change it this time. And since I have support here, I will

 

day 7. After initial problems It now is going smoothly again. controllable urges and nor real ambition to watch porn. A flatline is now pretty obvious, however.

 

Puh, today was difficult. Day 10, again searching for that one scene - desperately. In the process I stumbled upon it but my pornfilter did not give me access. Only problem still is my phone. I have to controll the ambiente where i use it because there I cannot install a successful blocker....so If I slip there its bad.

I pulled myself together now, spinning the net of webfilters tighter and tighter. The MO streak has been broken today after 10 Days, so I expand my "allowance" from 7 to 14 days. I had a huge need for an orgasm and It felt really great. There was no other stimulation necessary. Although I have to admit that while searching for the specific pornscene i already got aroused... this may already be a kind of stimulation.

I feel good about the orgasm I had bit lost some energy and am very relaxed now. I kind of felt better yesterday, full of energy - after the O however I had a very pleasant feeling in my lower Body for over half an hour. Next step is to intensify this feeling and to understand it - therefore the 14 days.

 

Day 11...I failed again.
I PMOed. I feel miserable. But I have to get out of there and start again. I could not stop myself. What can I do to just prevent myself from doing the opposite I want? Why do I want to watch Porn this much? I know the answers - scientifically - but not so much the solution. I feel a little depressed. However, I am positive to make the 17 Days this time. I made the net of possibilities to watch porn tighter. i erased my Smartphone-Broser and disabled all other possibilities to watch porn on firefox. Now I only need to prevent me from searching for it an longing for it. I need to get clean. This is really difficult....