What is up homies? Today, I finally made an account. The first step to redemption. Ill give you my story and tell you my goals. Well, I was first introduced to porn at 11-12.I was downloading it at limewire. I remember loving lesbians and gangbangs. In the 7th grade I would jackoff EVERYDAY after school alone in my house (everyone came like an hour later) to milfs and cheating wives. I wanted to bang someone’s wife/mom so badly and show him whose boss. However, I stopped watching it 8th grade summer. I stopped watching because I was out with my friends all the time playing and shit. Entering the 9th grade I was porn free for 2 months +. I felt great and I didn’t know why. People say I’m a handsome guy and I was flirting a lot with the girls in my school. I would watch porn every now and then in the but not more than probably 2 times a week. High school was great until I started watching porn again. I had family problems (which I won’t discuss) and I started watching porn in the 11th grade. I became addicted. EVERYDAY 3, MAYBE 4 TMES a DAY, until I found YBOP.com. It all made sense to me. For 1 week I didn’t PMO and I felt like I used too. Very confident, outgoing, Dick got hard, you know all the benefits. I kept relapsing in the 11th grade every few days I would PMO. Then I went through some more Family problems (12th grade). I became severely depressed with major thoughts of suicide. In fact I would whip myself to punish myself and became very angry. I started watching again jerking it for hours on end maybe 3 hours looking at dozens of dozens of videos. You might say “well you know the results just stop”. However I very recently developed (since January 2014) a cuckold fetish. I get hard to my ex (in the fantasy she my wife) banging other dudes. It’s always like she’s a teacher fucking her worst student or she’s a fucking her boss or she’s fucking the neighbor boy(I don’t fantasize them making fun or beating me up like many other guys do but my ”wife ” being like a milf porn star ). It’s all of my “old” fantasies but reversed. I thought to myself well now I have to test myself, so through January and February I would get hard to her fucking another guy but I’d get soft and then I’d feel happy I got soft at first . I said to myself see you’re not a phaggot cuck. But I convinced myself it wasn’t enough so I put myself through every scenario, get really hard but then I’d get soft and depressed afterword. I felt like that because I wondered why I am I getting hard to this in the first place. And I wondered what the fuck is going on with me. It really confused me when I cummed. When I would cum to those fantasies I felt deeply sad and confused. I went 2 days without porn and then I had a wet dream were I fucked an Olympic female champ, I dominated her made her feel like a women .And when I relapsed I went back to my old fantasies of me being the Bull. I was like “how the hell am I having both these fantasies at the same time”. I saw a documentary on cucks about a year ago and I thought to myself” what bitches how could they like that”. I have a big dick, even after the punishment I put through it (I could be wrong but I always noticed my cock getting harder and fuller and larger when I didn’t jerk it, tell me if I’m wrong or I’m just having a placebo), I thought after high school I could be a bull and bang someone’s wife whenever I wanted show him who’s boss and who’s a real man, I had a huge dominate fetish. And now I’m the bitch, I’m the loser. I lost so much muscle put on so much fat, I stopped talking to girls, I stopped going out , I stopped doing MMA (am pretty fucking good at it , I give credit to my team )I feel tired and lifeless and my dick is soft. I used to have erections throughout the day and night 24/7 my dick worked now, it’s broken .I used to be a man now I’m a little girl. I’m going to go 90 days and see what happens. No edging, no masturbating, no dirty thoughts NOTHING. If I still have this cuck fetish then fuck it. I won’t act it out in real life because that’s the day I’ll kill myself but hey. I wish I got addicted to gay porn rather than this shit man. I NEED SOME FUCKING HELP AND I DON’T KNOW WHATS GOING ON.I Any way I’m sorry to the gay community for my use of the word phaggot if you feel offended it was not my intention to insult the gay community I could honestly tell you I’d rather be a regular homosexual then a cuck hetero.
