Almost relapsed due to reckless behaviour, turned it to a success

I searched up two things on google. I didnt click on images, I didnt click on videos, I didn’t click on any of the search results, I didn’t see any porn, and I didnt masturbate. But it was definitely risky behaviour which doesn’t help me in any way. I felt the porn wiring being fired up, the constant scrolling, searching, and was getting hard. Bear in mind this whole thing was probably less than 5 mins.

Just to clarify, I did not see anything pornographic even though I had the capability to.

It was not a relapse, but it was behaviour that was literally one click away from a slip up which probably would have ended up in a relapse, which probably would’ve ended in a multiple day binge..

I know this pattern, I’ve experienced it many times.

I searched a “porn performers” name, and kept scrolling through the search results (just words, basically the url, and description of each search result on google search page. Then clicked next page to see next results, next page, and on for about 3-4 mins.

I then searched “fit 18” on google search which was a company that same girl worked with before. Did the same searching. I had enough self control to not click on image search, and not click on any of the websites, and not go to that one porn database website which slips past my blocker and has almost any video one can think of… That website is fckd, and many times has given me anxiety because I doubt it’s moderated due to it’s vastness, and not having a proper domain. The website itself is an Ip address url, I found it on google images one day while looking at explicit images. Anyways, I digress.

Irresponsible decision which was playing with fire and just “torturing/teasing myself” but in the end it was a success.

I opened the dark door intentionally, saw It was wrong, and didnt want to go through it, so I slammed the black hole portal closed and turned around.

While It was foolish of me to do that at first, It took strength to not give in, and that makes me stronger I’d say, as delusional as that may sound ahaha.

Btw I don’t like the idea of counting days or using the term “streak” as it implies there’s an end. But if you’re curious and want to know when the last time I viewed porn was, it was 12 days ago.

I strongly believe this is a lifetime commitment and that No PMO is a natural and organic way of our very being.

In my opinion, Sex without love, is just not worth experiencing. Our sexual energies are sacred and are meant to be shared/elevated with a loving partner. I just haven’t met her yet, so have chosen the path of abstinence until union. From the tone of my message you’ll assume I’m a virgin, and I as well would like to technically call myself a 23 year old virgin.

Childhood (When I was 12 years and under) same sex experiences, and experimenting do not count. The 2-3 times I unfortunately went to “full sex” massage parlours with friends do not count. I was around 18y to about 20y during those times and would never contribute to any form of prostitution, human trafficking/sex trafficking linked behaviours ever again, that includes porn too.