Alright guys I'm 33M, I live in one of the major world cities, I work a dead end job, I live at my parents, I'm ambitious but completely lost (my only real desire is gym but that is getting messed due to my job). I'm 6"3 handsome guy never had issues with women as such but this can work against you too...I been hitting up the dating apps and matching but a lot of the time I don't even bother to ask for a date as I know they will be turned off by my situation or whilst talking they ask my occupation and then ghost My problem is I feel like I'm getting desperate to fix things to get validation from these people who in reality I wouldn't even pick as a partner (from experience and chatting I can tell what type of girl they are) but the psychological side still affects me knowing that I haven't done jack shit with my life. It feels like a really grim place to be even the other day my ex reached out to me telling me she misses me and loves me etc I just short armed or ignored most of her questions politely but it would have felt so good to say I've achieved so much since the 5 years apart and how well I'm doing but no I'm in the same position pfft. I feel really down man, I hold down a job, suck at savings as it all goes on travel and food, sometimes I buy coffee and shit to cheer me up during the day as the work day is so long idk what to do anymore. I know realistically my options are just cut all women off stop chasing them etc but yh.
Hey gandu, good on ya for still getting out there and doing some traveling anyway- any at all is more than many can say. Man, so many people feel like you do right now. Both men and women, really. Including mehself... I dunno what the answer is for ya, but I will say that for me, when I can manage consistent focus on my own self-imposed standards, I feel the best, the most alive, even when I don't meet them, as long as I'm really trying. That guitarist that played in both Nirvana and Soundgarden, and then went on to be an Army Ranger and Green Barret, and in his retirement competes in sailboat races through the harsh, turbulent North Pacific/Gulf of Alaska region for shits n giggles, that dude, Jason Everman, in the only thing I've heard him say while interviewed above a mumble: ~"Once I saw what self-validation was all about, it really was over for me". He goes on to explain that this concept became his whole life philosophy- revering, first and foremost, self-validation, vs. the validation of others, (bitter as it sounds) no matter how close they were- and it obviously paid off.
I'm not very proud of my job either. I can relate to you saying "my only desire is the gym"... I feel similar sometimes.. the truth is - I'm not passionate about any so called career. And I feel like I get judged based on my job too. Or at least, I am self-conscious about it.. like I'm not cool enough because of the job I have.. it sucks. When I was younger though, no one told me plainly that most of my life would end up being defined by my job. If I would have been more aware of this in the past, maybe I could have went a different route and focused more on getting a job that paid really good money.
Thanks for the post man and I haven't done much travelling not sure what you mean? I have in my 20s a bit and did live a "life" people would probably think is really cool or whatever just I'm an adventurous person. Man I remember in my 20s I used to just love exploring the city and meeting people I felt like my whole life was ahead of me. Now I feel like I should have my shit sorted but I just don't. I really hate falling into the trap of validation from others but I did it to myself I believe from using these apps and meeting the worst kind of women (99% on there just want a guy with money etc) and then on top of it my ex randomly messages which put added pressure on me because that relationship really messed me up so I would have love to prove her wrong kinda thing. Anything like a book or talk from this guy you can recommend>?
