"33 years old, and have been fapping to porn since I was 11." I just reread the title of my post and realized that it has been 22 years of LOTS of wasted time. My porn addiction has been strong, but, really started causing problems for me around 2004 (when I first moved into my own place). A little bit about me... I am married and have multiple kids (the oldest is 7). Recently, I left me job to stay home with the kids. Staying at home has been horrible for (or great depending on your perspective) for my porn addiction. On average, I fap to porn twice a day. My wife works night shifts and on those nights I sometimes stay up all night fapping. In elementary school I had an experience with my friend that led to my current erotic hypnosis fetish (more like an obsession these days). You might be surprised regarding how much erotic self hypnosis content there is on the internet. I love that stuff. For the past 2 months I have been staying up at least 4 hours 4 nights a week trying to achieve a HFO (hands free orgasm). Only to wake up 2-3 hours later to get my kids up for school and be a shitty dad the rest of the day because I am so tired from lack of sleep. I have tried to quit multiple times. About 5 years ago I signed up with XXXChurch, hoping to finally kick the habit. I failed. I probably only made it 2 weeks. Honestly, I don't think noFap is going to work, but, I have to try something, my addiction is getting out of hand. With XXXChurch, I never got involved with the community (it was too religious for me). My problems with porn and fapping are big enough even without the "sin" part of fapping, so, it doesn't make sense to me to attack the issue from only a religious perspective. I tried telling my wife about my addiction in an attempt to be open and honest. She got really pissed off at me. I told her I could use her help. She doesn't want to know about it, she has tricked herself into thinking I don't look at porn. I told my brother when I was drunk one night and he told me that he too was having problem with porn. But... I can't imagine having a conversation about porn and jacking off with my brother on a daily basis (it is not something I feel comfortable talking about with other dudes). I am hoping that this attempt to quit will be different because... the problem has gotten so bad, I need to quit I am going to get involved with the noFap community and keep a journal (which I didn't do with XXXChurch) Maybe ya'll can give me tips on how to get through the night, when I am tired and my willpower is at its lowest point. These are my "known" negative side effects: Porn and fapping consumes time I would spend sleeping, and thus, I get sick more often, I yell at my kids when they don't deserve it because I am irritable. I need 8-9 hours of sleep to feel refreshed. Due to porn watching, I average about 6 hours of sleep a night. Porn enables me to not need my wife sexually. I sleep in, many times i am late to meetings/events/etc. because I decided to fap instead of get ready to go. I am sure my wife doesn't appreciate the smell of sex I leave in the room If I don't stop my addiction soon, my kids are going to start noticing. Wish me good luck, give me advice, encourage me to be active on the forums. I am going to need it. Time to reboot.
MrMormanAddicted: You are starting in the right place. You acknowledge that you have a problem. Now, instead of hoping that this time is different, make it different. Realize that you have a choice NOT to look at porn, not to fap. I posted something on another journal earlier today that applies to you as well. When you get mad at your friend, parent, wife, I'm sure you don't hit them. You may have the urge to lash out, but you don't. You exercise your self control over the urge. A sexual urge is no different. Don't ignore it. Acknowledge that you have it and then say to yourself, I am CHOOSING not to do this. Each time. Sometimes it will be easy and other times really, really hard. But you don't have to choose to look at porn. I wish you a lot of success with your addiction and with your journey. I'd tell you to look around and find some journals that you like. Pick some from people in various ages and look for people who are new like you and at different stages (30 days ahead of you, 60 days ahead, etc.) It good to have people who are struggling like you to complain to and good to have people who are succeeding from whom to seek advice. I wish you the very best and stay strong! And remember the Panic Button at the top menu if you need some immediate encouragement
Thanks onlooker121 for the advice and the words of encouragement. Day 1 down. It was harder than I expected. Any advice on how to get rid of what seems like persistent arousal?
I wish I knew of something magical. The first 2-3 days are the worst. It does get better. Your sex drive will decrease and many men find they have no sex drive for 2-3 weeks. Almost no erections. I found on day like 6-7 I could barely feel that I had a penis. When I got intimate with my wife I was afraid nothing would happen. But it was all ok. Just keep saying no to your urges. Stay strong!
I keep reading the forums about people not being able to get it up or not having a sex drive. I consider myself lucky because I have never had those problems. So... I doubt it will happen to me, I kind of wish it does, because I think it will make things easier. Thanks for the heads up though. I hope you are right about days 2-3. Since I haven't been able to abstain for longer than 1.5 weeks in the past, I have no idea how my body will respond. And... the time I did make it 1.5 weeks, I was still getting off without porn.
Trust me, it does get better. I've also never had any of the erection issues that a lot of the guys complain about. But I will tell you that without being erect 5-8 hours a day MO, and without the 3-4 Os a day, my erections are much harder. I didn't realize that they had gotten softer - but they had. Sex has been very good. Its the reward for the hard work!
