Why are people on Nofap yet still focusing on sex?

Eh, I'm sorry, mate... a message from Itsuki, that was deleted... (I'm still not crazy enough to write random posts )

 

I did deleted my previous message, I did, I did.

Believe it or not, marriage existed as an institution long before western government. Also, you talk about religion as if you are not religious. You describe yourself a religious zealot for the cult of science and progressivism, give me a break. Letting everyone loose like wild animals and saying, "have sex with whomever you like, whenever you like!" is not a sound principle, dude, I'm sorry to break it to you. This isn't even based in religion, but history and sociology. Yes, connecting with others and sex is very important, and such an important matter should be taken seriously. Haphazardly killing every sweet, kind, and innocent untouched girl you can convince to sleep with you... woe to this person.

 

Never said that and never proposed to take that way... but if a man is able to find a woman (or viceversa) and they both want and agree to have sex, since this is not against law (at least in a democratic Country, as far as I know) they should be able to do that, without being criticized or considered worse people than others. Freedom (or better: what's is not against the current law) is the key. Religions were written thousand years ago to force people to behave in certain ways, most -if not all- the time was used/abused as a form of power. In some Countries these are still the "main law", with mixed results, but we live in 2024 and many of those rules have become obsolete (luckily) especially the ones referring to sex.

If the boy/girl is underage or have sexual intercourse agains his/her will, it's already considered a crime/violation in all democratic countries, there's no need to take religion into account (not to say that persons who are guilty of such crimes could also be religious, thus the deterrent is the human law, because if we need to wait the "god's law"... we can say "goodbye!").

 

I don't want to derail the original thread too much. False testimony to the nature of man and woman and the difference therein is not something I respect.

 

Discussions of religion and politics are against the rules here, anyway. So yeah, lets stay on topic of abstaining from PMO.

I would say most people here feel this way. Aside from the having sex with someone who isn't your gf. If you're looking to have causal hookups, and youre a sex / PMO addict (very likely if youre on this site) Id recommend against that. casual hook-up sex is a hop skip and a jump from PMO and worse things. Its mutual masturbation for dopamine.

Its like a hardcore drug addict or alcoholic saying, "I dont want to be a monk, sure Ill sober up...but I want a few shots every once in a while!" I'd be careful where that mindset leads you.

Check out "The Great Porn Experiment" on Youtube. It will help I think to explain the Coolidge Effect, which leads to this kind of thinking.

 

I can't see a real difference between having sex one time a day with your girlfriend or having sex one time (just to match,, but most probably a lot less) with a girl that is not your gf. You get the same dopamine rush with the risk that with a gf you would do that even more times. What you're suggesting with your examples is to not have sex at all to avoid dopamine which could be indeed a solution. If you remove sex at all, you don't even have the needs to heal, because you're not gonna use your penis at all.

 

So you think the only reason to heal is to have sex?

 

Well, I suffer from pied and that doesn't allow me to have sex... so yes, the only reason for me is to be able to have sex again. But other than pied, I don't have any other real problem to fix or heal, as far as I can see (no insomnia, no anxiety (apart the one I have if I want to erect my penis and I'm not able to do that), no problem in focusing on job/work)... so why should I practice months or years of abstinence (excluding pied, again)?

 

If you can't get it up, good luck finding or most importantly keeping a gf or wife. Its not for you, its for her also.

 

Most guys who do NoFap never had sex before. I had the same mindset when I had my first time, but I changed my mind when I discovered sex shouldn't be our top priority. There are more important things like health, career, relationships, knowledge, spirituality, etc.

 

this can also be looked at from the opposite view. Yes, nofap is great because it does get you out of addiction which means you focus on and enjoy the quality of life.

that being said, nofap does indeed do more than “just sex” but you have to remember, a lot of people PIED never really had the chance to have sex.

porn addiction is also much more common than sex addiction. Porn is easily accessible and the dopamine hit you receive from porn is on a much higher level/scale than real sex.

ask yourself this, how many men really get the chance to sleep with a bundle amount of women?

as much as it sounds counter-productive, if a man never gets to a point where he can’t have sex, he will not enjoy the quality of life. It goes hand in hand, you can’t have one and not the other, however it needs to be in moderation, you need to enjoy the quality of life through nofap but you also need to enjoy sex.

keep in mind, some people believe to orgasm with a real woman id a form of rebooting, I happen to be one those people that believe in order to reboot you need to have sex with a real woman.

if you look at it from the other view, completely abstaining will potentially create the same issues you are concerned about with sex. By abstaining for extremely long periods of time, it will give you urges to potentially go back to porn because at some point your libido will kick in. This is the reason why some men are porn addicts, because they couldn’t get a real woman so they resorted to porn for relief and it turned into a full blown addiction. Take a look at how many people say “I have been on monk mode for 200 days and I still feel my penis isn’t recovered”. Almost all the men that are on “monk mode” will talk about their penis and how it is functioning, and all basically say the same thing “my penis isn’t great but I feel it getting better”. Everything needs to be in moderation.

I agree, sex shouldn’t be the only thing that consumes the mind, however you also need to honest about this, the reason why almost everyone signs up to nofap is because they want their penis to work so they don’t have any issues when they are in a committed relationship or have a fling and their penis doesn’t work. It isn’t just about him, it’s also about her, no woman is going to be happy with the idea that can’t get sex from her partner.

 

You dont need no one besides yourself, bear with me, after 200+ days the terror on and off will be only shaken off by yourself (the rational you). I found nothing works besides myself.

Account seems new but i am old.

 

sorry I don’t understand. Are you saying with don’t “one” as in a woman?

and when you say “by yourself” are you saying you don’t have PIED? If so, how do you your penis works the way it should if you haven’t tried with a woman

 

This is an interesting topic and I am new to these forums, so I am trying to figure out what this place is and isn't about. Speaking personally, I've been having psychosexual therapy for 6 months now, working closely with my therapist to understand more about my sexual self. I initially sought a sexual therapist to help me overcome delayed ejaculation in partnered sex. As part of this I have learnt an incredible amount about myself (e.g. what are my turn ons, what are my turn offs, sex is about enjoyment and not solely about orgasm, to forgive my younger self for his mistakes and to look back with compassion and empathy). I've also learnt that my idiosyncratic masturbation technique that I picked up following PMO has probably exacerbated my already existing problem.

Tackling my complex issue with no PMO (which is one part of a multifaceted set of issues surrounding my sex life) is enabling me to have the sex life that I want, and is putting my sex life back in my hands. For me it is 100% not about not having sex, and is 100% about having sex and having better quality, more fulfilling sex.

Yes I watched too much porn, yes I masturbated too often, and yes this lead me to have an unfulfilling sex life. But did PMO ruin the rest of my life, absolutely not. I am in a loving caring relationship of 10 years, I am a home owner, I have a very successful high paying job, I don't smoke, I am not overweight, I visit the gym, I have hobbies, I have a small close-nit friend group that I can rely on for anything. I also occasionally enjoy polyamory within the defined boundaries set out in my relationship.

What works for one doesn't work for another, and vice versa. So yes, for me, no PMO is about having great sex outside of PM.

(since giving up PM 31 days ago, and having sex therapy for 6 months I've started to be able to consistently climax through my partners touch, something which I thought unachievable 6 months ago - so I am happy to give up PM to have a better sex life)

 

agree with this. I understand everyone has their own goals when it comes to nofap, however it’s obvious most people do it to have a better quality sex life.

i believe P and M is what people need to stop. I don’t believe O is an issue, O isn’t the problem, it’s how you O that’s the issue. If you O with a real woman, it’s healthy. If you O with PM, it’s not healthy.

all in all, I don’t think anyone saying “they are doing nofap to have a better sex life” should be shunned and shamed because that is the sole reason most people do nofap to begin with.

there is also no shame in someone saying “I want to have great sex” whether it be with a fling “casual” or a partner “relationship.