It might have started out a fungal thing but it doesn't appear to be now. It's just dry and inflamed, the glans haven't fully healed so it is sore to touch. The British equivalent of Walmart is ASDAs, I don't know if they sell the same variety. Most medical creams are behind lock and key or in a chemist requiring a prescription. I made the mistake of feeling like my life was over when I was younger and genuinely thought I would become a basement dweller with no job and living off disability benefits. Didn't look after myself or my wellbeing, gave into repetitive desires. I need a routine to function but not one that will constrain or infantilise me. Either I'm being a dumb loudmouth with no filter or too quiet, non-verbal the whole day, to develop real connections with people. When I finally managed to sort out my problems, I realized what P was doing to me mentally and physically as if my soul was being castrated from my body. That dopamine is like a drug that distracts you from reality and fills you with fantasies that slowly drain you into death. I refuse to even say the word because acknowledging it gives it strength. Needs to be etched out from my brain's vocabulary and thoughts. Started going outside more, pushing myself by using the bus. Now I'm back in that cycle of self-loathing. I have had some of the lowest of lows in my life, but whenever I read the Bible and trust in God, all that washes away. Listening to the liturgy in a cold shower is as close as you can get to heaven on earth. I can never be perfect, I can never be truly sin-free, but God knows this and loves me anyway. My parents had nothing growing up and I would always whinge for more and more. That's what you do when you're little, you don't realize how good you have it. We grew up on a council scheme and got sheltered away from the bad stuff. My parents cut off all of my rough relatives, and wouldn't let us out on the street unless they knew we were safe. This is in a city where most people are at rock bottom. A lot of my old classmate's parents were either on dope or mentally ill. Showing up to the assembly hall slouched over and no teeth. All of them have dropped out, some have criminal records. My parents lived through that in their youth and didn't want us to live through that. So I grew up a sheltered little shit, and that's probably what manifested all my insecurities and addictions. Didn't play sports since I was too scared and wanted to play on my DS. I didn't know how to be a regular person when I was staring at a screen all day and chugging my face with food to fill the meaningless void. Became estranged from society. Church and faith provide me with structure, security and community. It changes the soul in a way no other thing can. Made me realize how much better life can be if I stop punishing myself for my failures. I see the evil in this world, I'm repulsed by it and it's beyond my comprehension. As long as I have God, all that doesn't matter. All that matters is the path he paves for me. Cheers Zilean. I feel overdue to graduate, I should have left a year ago. This year was a bit of a waste since I only stayed on to get a Maths qualification for college. Now I have no motivation left. All I want is to pass my Higher History and get it over with. Been struggling with headaches these past few weeks
Cheers George. Circumcision would only be a last resort, balanoposthitis had damaged the glans and a light graze hurts. Having that constantly rubbing against my clothes would be torture. I'll try and see a GP to sort things out soon.
This is a good point. Stretching can resolve the issue without surgery. There are even devices available for this.
I completely understand. I wasn't suggesting you take my course of action...just more or less wanted you to know you're not alone and many others, myself included, have had similar struggles...and there is hope. However you proceed, I wish you the absolute best and pray you have some sort of resolution that brings relief.
Most of humanity is just biological refuse. They're usually not looking in the mirror and telling themselves they're too damaged to reproduce. You shouldn't either. Get your school done and your cock fixed. All will be good.
Cheers Semtex, I will follow your advice. Honestly, I'm not bothered about my exam results this year, chances are I'll get an appeal and pass anyway with a B. I already have a college placement so whatever happens happens. For the first time in what seems like an eternity (really 3 years), I have free time to do whatever I want. My brain shortcircuits and defaults to my lazy relapse mode after a day or two, which I'm working on fixing. Fatherhood wasn't what God intended for me it seems. My purpose is to help others and follow God.
