Day 16, 17, 18, 19 & 0 , & 1. Checking in. Day 1 - Youngling Ending at 19 days. Reset to P. Restarting and going again on Hard Mode. I only looked at P and that was it. I got frustrated doing something before bed time. Insomnia I guess but I was staying up for another reason. Then was working on something to fix and led to frustrations. It led to me "tasting" it but I didn't indulge fully. I almost did. I really wanted to TBH. I almost fully gave into the dark side. But I didn't fully go all the way. I am still going! Doesn't matter, I am still going regardless but I am proud I didn't embrace the dark side fully No promises the next time or so. I am not perfect. Forgot so May the 4th be with you Let's go fellow Jedis Jedi out
Day 3 I've been listening to this relaxing soundtrack ambiance from Jedi Academy. It's really relaxing. I think that the only way I'm going to win at nofap is to win in my life in general. And how I'm going to win is that I'm integrating my true self into my daily life, such as pursuing my piano goals and enjoying the time I have everyday that I'm alive. Once you see there is no real struggle and you feel joy and peace, then the pain stops and addiction falls away.
Day 5 I had some triggering pmo thoughts but my anti anxiety strategies worked to stop those thoughts.
Day 4, 5, 6, & 7. Checking in. Day 7 - Padawan The effects of the dark side was here a couple days. It was present even when I didn't fully relapse? I only tasted it (Looking at the dark side of P only) I still passed. Urges to fully embrace it was there. Fellow Jedis, did you know how I passed? Well sometimes the solution it is called exercising If you haven't done so already Another remake?? Awesome I forgot to say this early on. Finished The Bad Batch Finale recently and want to say my "Midi-chlorians" is rising lol. Because it was somewhat related to it's final season. Come on Chuck! I was struggling too lol. Let's go fellow Jedis Jedi out
Day 12 - Padawan Remember Lou Bloom (Chuck) and other fellow Jedis here who are here. Exercise can help if your triggered. If the dark side tempts you then that can be an option. Simply tip. Fight the dark side Jedi out
Day 3 Back on track. I went through a cycle of the chaser effect for a few days and I waited to get at least a fews days of a streak to start posting again. I want to make it to a week again, that's where I start to feel more like my normal self. So the one thing that threw me off course in the first place was having a night of drinking and the resulting hangover the next day that triggered my pmo feelings. That's happened a couple times for me now where drinking caused a relapse for me so I might as well not drink anymore, or if I do it's only one beer. On the positive side I'm doing a lot better with my piano goals. I will have to decide if I'm going to register or not for the RCM exam for in August very soon. Trying to prepare for the exam has driven out some complacency from me and I think given me a healthy feeling of anxiety if there is any kind of healthy anxiety. It feels much better than compared to the daily grind kind of anxiety where there's no real light at the end of the tunnel. That kind of anxiety is just survival mode. But the anxiety associated with success and achievement doesn't feel so heavy. And if I'm able to notice what kind of thoughts I'm having that is creating that anxiety sometimes I'm able to undo some of it by seeing that the thoughts are false and irrational. Before what I thought was impossible was actually something I made up in my head and that succeeding in these piano exams and becoming a teacher is much more possible than I once imagined. I was so wrong about what was possible that I could have been certified at least 5 years ago. Back then I had given up on becoming a teacher or playing the piano at all because I thought I just wasn't capable of it. But looking back now with more information about whats required and what I'm really capable of, I've realized that I gave up simply because I believed false ideas about myself and my situation, and that I didn't have the information that I needed to understand how to achieve my goals. I'm not running away from who I am anymore. I'm going to do what I want to do with my life and I'm not going to anyone for approval if it's okay or not. I'm just going to do it because it's right for me. I can feel it sometimes, a sense of excitement rather than anxiety. Where I see myself achieving what I want and its freeing. All of this I think is how I get over pmo in the end. Making my life into the vision that I see in my mind.
