things used to be normalize... now become triggered even after years of nofap... i have flashbacks from a year or months ago... certain things like playing video games from 18+ but i close my eyes or cover with my eyes... or watching comedy sexual jokes, dude holding his own nut, girl touch her butt while dancing... or comedy movies people getting hit in the nut or butt and i have to replay cause it funny etc... However my general anxiety is worsening... due to what if i did something that i considered normal for myself, but not fit into the relapse rule? i do have my own rules only porn is not allow, beside bikini stuffs or twerking, save hot girls picture showing their butt etc.. (not nudity), girl slapping their own ass used to be not triggered or urge to me full relapse... HOWEVER after slipped up couple months got me so traumatized. even though it doesn't considered relapse but i almost lose my mind... since then i no longer seeks those stuffs but still those side moments that i randomly just sitting working then instantly came to my mind... The fucked up about that is... i would doubt myself like " I thought it was normal, but it's not!!! I ALREADY RELAPSED THERE AND DID NOT KNOW " .... i am so tired and mentally exhausted to the point where i just don't want to continue nofap... i unable to get a gf despite my bad appearance and terrible personality plus i got no friends, the whole world seems to against me one and for all, internal and external constant battles... I am tired of this life....
If you suffer this much from this addiction of yours, why don't you try to get help from a therapist or a psychiatrist? Maybe you have to realize sometime, that you won't be able to get free from the addiction by yourself? It seems like you have many triggers as well if I understand you? If you know that girls that makes sexy moves or touching some areas of there body would trigger you, why would you seek that up or how do you end up there anyway? If you ask me, I would say that your blocker from porngraphic content isn't doing a good job, if you even uses one? I don't know which type of phone you have, but if you have an android, I would highly suggest geting the blocker I use. It's called "BlockerHero" and it's a free app to download but the free version of it is pretty lame when it comes to protection. That's why I pay a small fee every month for premium, because you get very good protection. Even though it will automatically block you from porngraphic content, you are able to block specific "words" and "websites" as well for ultimate protection. I have gone all the way and blocked more or less everything that has with sex and erotic content to do. Even words like: twerking, sexy dance, nudity, stripping and many others to make me as safe from these things as possible. My phone is more or less like Fort Knox in protection. I'm not even able to type any of those "words" I've blocked in the searchbar without the blocker kicks me out. But all of this things I've mentioned is only suggestions, the decision is totally up to you.
Fun thing is... I never actually have problem with something i didn't intentional to do or seek to it... BUT there certain incidents like i mentioned which is probably might sound crazy to normal poeple like " how u get triggered from a comedy movie? it just hitting in the butt not like they butt ass naked and start fucking? " and yea i got triggered from soft things like this... it because i went back to double check cause it funny or else it wasn't that bad why do i get anxiety from this? I no longer seek stuffs no more, i have no urge to do PMO as well... All i urge and crave to have is real intimacy, i have done nofap for so long, i really want to buss out... It might sound im bullshitting to you, but i really haven't PMO that long... real sex is my final destination. Overall i have no problem with things accidently bumped into... what fucked up me the most is normalize things, like statues, video games, still make me doubt of relapse... Like this would be so damn annoying to ask... If u were me in that situation of watching comedy movie, like a guy got hit in the butt and the women too from punishment, it was funny cause of them screaming in pain, and you went back to see again, but in your mind, would you thought this as such relapse? that's why this is way off logical, certain situations put me into doubt of it... When i first watch i didn't even considered it as sexual stimulation... it just stupid... and i really need to resolve dumb stuff like this, i couldn't even concentrate at work.
Well, since I never watch cartoons, it's hard for me to see it in front of me. A relapse in my opinion, is when you go back to the bad habits you had before going NoFap. In my case, a relapse would have been if I start watching porn again and began to MO as well. That's a relapse to me. I suppose everyone would consider what to be a "relapse" differently. I wouldn't call "seeing a man and a women getting hit in the butt as a punishment" a relapse. As long as you haven't masturbated to that kind of content when you PMO:ed the most or used it to make your horny before begin to MO, I would say you fine! But that's just me, someone else might have seen it as a relapse, dunno. It's good that you want real sex and intimacy rather than self pleasure, since real sex it's much more healthier than watching porn and masturbate. You have the right mindset!
