Extreme PE with condom. What can be done?

Hi Truth,
PE can be related to porn use, but it does not have to be. So it might be completely unrelated to your abstinence. Having said that, PE usually comes from some kind of over-excitment. For example when I am really obsessed with someone and it actually happens, I wont last very long - maybe even less than a minute. However, when relaxed, it can go on quite a "long time". My basic tips for relaxation would be:

• don't get caught up in sexual fantasies
• reduce screen time
  
• focus on something that calms you down, e.g. your breathing, especially the out-breath
  
• be completely ok with yourself (even if that means "coming too soon")
• feeling safe, as in "not having to prove anything"
• if you enjoy it, physical exercise
• sometimes the cause for PE can be as simple as a full bladder, especially when you have sex in the morning

I hope these can help you!
Best,
Terence

 

I'd like to be mr. glass-is-half full here for a second:

1. youre doing great in recovery and have a long stretch of sobriety
2. your pp can grow hard enough to actually work (mine cant)
3. youre having sex

thats a lot of victories Id say! Sure, PE has gotta be annoying, but I can see that being very natural after you spent (I presume) years over stimulating your reward system.

Give it some time and patience. and count the blessings! the list above is also real good.

 

ah yeah, the pressure on men to perform in bed is sooo much. Theres a lot that goes into "sex" though - I mean especially from women Ive talked with, for them like the talking, cuddling, and bonding in different ways is JUST as important as any other part. confusing to my addict-brain sometimes, but makes sense I think if youre a more balanced human.
Plus, if you really want to rock her world, theres a lot of stuff you can do just for her, lots of books and instructions out there if you want to be a better lover. I bet shed love it if you were reading up on that for her, haha. just be careful it doesnt trigger ya to PMO (like maybe stick to printed books, not online)

 

It has nothing to do with the condom. After abstaining for so your manhood becomes especially sensitive. As a result you feel everything slightly more. It is absolutely normal. As you practice sex more, you will regain a "tolerance" to the sensation of sex allowing you to last long. It is gradual and takes time.

If I can share a quick story. I know a guy called Jonny who loves sex and will often share his intimate life stories with me when I see him. He recently mentioned that he had found the woman of his dreams and taken her out at the weekend. After a successful dinner date she had invited him back to her house for - you guessed it, "coffee". One thing led to another and shortly after they found themselves in the bedroom rolling around. He told me he was so attracted to her that he blew his load no more than 30 seconds into the session. I immediately gasped, he looked at me and calmly said "it happens, I laughed, she laughed and we continued."

Please keep in mind that Jonny is a seasoned sexual addict in his early 50s.

I think the aim should be to get to a place where the outcome does not matter to you, and if it matters to her it does not effect your self-esteem or move you negatively. Just my thoughts.