So yesterday, after writing in my daily journal, I was about to sleep pretty late (this should be highly avoided on NoFap) and I had the sudden urge to watch porn. I started justifying it to myself in my mind. And even started downloading something. And then I composed myself and reminded myself of everything I was missing out and deleted it without opening. I did feel a rush while I was downloading it, that made me feel guilty. Also the same night I have a dream where I am actively watching porn. I can't remember if I masturbate in the dream. But after both of these instances I feel pretty shitty in the morning. Any input? Does any of this count as relapse?
Don't worry about the counter worry about this. You have got to get belief in your core that pmo is bad for you. You have to work daily until you have this belief solid. It is more important then your counter.
This is very common - searching for triggers. Yes, it can give you a little 'rush'. But, hey! You deleted it without opening it. That is a great victory in these circumstances. You should be proud of yourself. I also like what you did in on this occasion, because you didn't just delete it in a robotic 'I must not do this' way. You composed yourself and reasoned on the benefits of staying strong (good name btw). No, you have not relapsed in either instance. It seems you had an erotic dream - a dry one as you didn't cum I assume. This is all in your subconscious. Not at all surprising that as porn addicts we would dream about jerking off to it tbh. Keep going man, you're doing great!