I disagree. To be successful you have to be realistic and accept that there will be failures along the way. I've had multiple 500+ day streaks and I attribute it to taking a tapered approach to quitting. I don't know any cases of someone who's fapping every day and just wakes up one day and quits forever. Addiction doesn't work like that.
I know smokers who have done it, alcoholics who have, drug addicts, gamblers, there are addicts who decide to quit and they do. It’s just less common than those who relapse.
Don't be sleeping on a sofa !! there is no good reason to do it, instead just throw some blanket on the floor if you've got nothing else.
To be fair, I've googled it and there's a meta-analysis of studies regarding whether cold turkey or weaning is more successful for quitting smoking, and cold turkey is more successful. I couldn't find studies for other forms of addiction weirdly, but I would think it perhaps varies with addiciton (e.g., alcohol cold turkey can be dangerous). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6752113/ In my experience, I just find it easier to basically reduce the hold of the addiction over time. Like it's easier to quit cigarettes if you smoke one a day rather than 20. I quit smoking that way as well. Maybe some people can white-knuckle PMO but you just see so many people in here shoot for the moon, fall short, and then just go to town on themselves for like a week. Then they come back in here with the self-flagellation and vows never to do it again. I just feel like, assume that's not going to work first time so when you fuck up you don't just conclude it's impossible and give up. If you went a week longer than last time, you're still improving, focus on the positives and building your streaks longer and longer.
Day 11 Great to see a lot of debate on the matter and on the cause. Just to journal a bit on the past 2 days. Went to 1st couples therapy session today with my wife; I think like any other 1st session. It was more just getting to know my wife and I as a couple How we approach things, how we deal with conflict etc. Things are slowly getting back on track with my wife, it'll take time nonetheless, but I'll take these small steps and small wins over no progress anyday. Personally, it'll be a busy week ahead with family gatherings and what not. Re PMO urges. None so far really. Just more tired when getting through till afternoon as I wake up quite early every day.
Day 13 Challenging day thus far. Not really sure what happened with my wife this afternoon. She said she felt tired and exhausted pretty much became a stone wall. When I pressed on the matter, she just said 'Can I not be still angry with you?' This evening she checked my phone records, willingly I gave her my phone to check. We had a rather difficult conversation about how trust has been lost. How it will be difficult and impossible to rebuild trust again. 1.5 hour therapy session coming up on Monday, lets see what the therapist has to say.
Day 17 1.5 hour therapy session coming up today. Looking forward to more progress. Tbh, PMO hasn't been a problem at all thus far. I think it's more just going through the up and downs of daily routine and managing my own emotions. Lots of family time coming up this week. Will post again after therapy session
Day 23 Been a couple of days since the last post. Still doing ok, had a wet dream a few days back, bit unexpected tbh, but I guess it happens once you remove PMO from the equation of every day routine. Family time has been great but a little stressful, great to have the whole family together, but I think it takes a bit of time getting use to living with family again, everyone's routines and lifestyle are different so it's hard to make sure everyone's happy. Finally back to work tomorrow after a week off, ran through my emails this morning and not much has really happened over the week while I was away.
THIS! It really helps me to read this. Thank you @CrushedandLeaving I have not looked at P in nearly 3 years. With my AP I am only doing MO once a week (on Mondays). But, I struggle still. I have triggers. And if I am honest my sexual desires are not things that I am proud of - I would not want my fiancé to know. Nor would I want her to know some of my actions. Is it "cheating"? Not sure, but just as bad if it results in my not being honest, having secret thoughts, my attention being more on fantasies and masturbation . . . and my fiancé not getting her sexual needs met. I am so grateful for the SO's on here. You help us see how sick and flawed our thinking is, how damaging our actions are. The OP is spot on. If your wife would be horrified to learn that you almost had sex with a prostitute (and who wouldn't be?), then it is absolutely correct to call that cheating.
Day 26 Ok quite a few scattered thoughts here P is still not a problem Emotions are on the low - why? Family is flying out of town soon and the past 2 weeks has felt like a whirlwind of family dinners/events It'll only be my wife and I left in the house - what does it mean for us? unsure. Couples therapy (with new therapist) starts next week - looking forward to it Individual therapy - resumes tomorrow - looking forward that as well Wife seems to not want to interact and is perhaps triggered by something - unsure Honestly, the past 1-2 weeks feels like all my problems were put on hold, but now that family is flying out and won't return till July-ish. All my unresolved issues, woes, troubles are sort of just looking at me like patients in a doctor's waiting room. It's not a pleasant feeling, I don't really know how to tackle them, yet. Will speak to my therapist about it tomorrow.
