Broke up with my girlfriend over fears over future, worried now that porn could have contributed

Thanks man, always good to see someone reenter the hobby! In regards to
Psubs, im unsure what would qualify as such in my case for me its normally a whole hog peek when ive began the (patented) road to relapse in the past. Kindve annoying in my case because my specific kink is EVERYWHERE, like I go to the gym and see it in music videos, so like when im tempted i just leap straight to that rather than substitutes.

My girlfriend has been very helpful in riding out this period, cause I can just be straight up with her, she stayed at mine the other night, and was all apologetic about it being unexpected but I explained to her, given the pickle I was in at the time but for her keeping me company I may have lost that night. Call this my day 44 update, beginning to see the light at the end of this rocky period, still riding it out. At gym rn, deadlifts are not moving well due to the cut.

 

Hey, long time no update, gotta come clean, a valiant attempt, 53 days completed, I see this as a win honestly, most days in a while. A combination of stress from delayed miserable trains home and my girlfriend currently experiencing what is (hopefully please god) a cancer scare pushed me to act out. Binged a lil, about an hour, no sense in shame, ill be fine in two days and just gotta keep pushing and get up. I know that jerry and warfman are Catholics, and if anyone else thats reading this is a Christian, id very much appreciate if you could say a wee prayer for chaosspaycemarines gf. Shes got another scan soon. Hope that clears things up.

 

Ps. Im not excusing my failure, the power was always in my hands, I could have just not, but I did, because I was willfully careless and gave up for a bit. I could have stopped at any step. Hell, could have put the laptop down when I had the video open. The problem with alot of people on this journey is they abdicate their power to say no and keep saying no. I wont do that anymore.

 

Thanks man, god bless.

Its alot easier now I feel i can and have to be totally honest with my girlfriend about all of this, not just porn but sex in general. A problem I had was I have a fetish and felt kindve, embarrassed about it? And as a result that drove me to porn to satisfy that, after fully discussing its extent with my gf shes more than game to exploring it, and I feel like that helps, for me right now im trying to overcome shame in regards to sex in general. Catholic guilt etc etc. Im very lucky that I have a very understanding woman.

in regards to the chaser effect Ill be fine as long as i blindy follow “da rulez” IE: no phone in bed, no laptop near bed, no lying in bed when not trying to sleep. Urges may be rough but easily overcome if starved out using these rules. Im gonna say a wee half decade of the rosary and pull up to mass for the feast of the ascension tomorrow. Asked my gf if she was interested in coming to mass as well and she was game.

 

Thank you, i appreciate it and ill say that tonite, my mind wanders to dark places, ive just got her back and realised through this how much I actually love her and now there is an, albeit small, chance ill lose her. Its rough but im keeping on keeping on.

Day one complete, spent alot of it painting, cranked out a chaos rhino, its nice out trying to get boys together to go to a beer garden.

 

Day 2 sorted, celtic won today so all is right in the world, went to the game and had a couple pints with my dad and my best mate, gonna do my lil habits and hit the gym before my gf comes over. Im doing alright.