Day 367 I remade my action plan yesterday. It was confronting, but I'm glad I did that. With the help of my girl, I saw that I missed out on some vital steps that are needed to be completely rewired. These are covered in my new action plan. Workout: day 260 Did my pushups and workout. Walking: day 267 Took a long walk in the forest with my girl. I even did some running, but I need to get used to that again. Did a short stroll in the neighborhood yesterday evening. Screentime: day 267 1:20 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:05 hours on the Internet Lying: day 47 Your journey will be more valuable if you can confront yourself with the things you find difficult. Learn to deal with this and find that you come out stronger. This is different for everybody. Start small and grow over time Meditation: day 357 3 sessions. 40 minutes. PMO study: day 367 Read NVC, a language of life. The author speaks about making requests consciously. Sometimes we communicate a request which is obvious, but in other cases we face discomfort in stating our requests. We incorrectly assume that the other one has understood our request. It may not be clear enough to the listener if we only communicate our feelings. Instead, tell them what you then want them to do: ‘Could you get me a glass of water please?’ Sleep: day 222 Slept well. Pain in my neck/shoulder. Went to bed around 10:30 PM Healthy eating: day 222 No sugar day yesterday. Picked my girl up yesterday and had leftover Greek food from 2 days ago. It was even better than 2 days ago. Cold showers: day 267 I took 2 cold showers.
Day 368 Yesterday was a good day. I cleaned my house, spoke to my girl, did my walks and had a good day. Workout: day 261 Did my pushups. Workout will be done today again. Walking: day 268 Took two 22+ min walks. One in the afternoon and one in the evening. Did my 7+ min bike ride. Screentime: day 268 2:51 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:04 hours on the Internet Lying: day 48 Take the time to be there for your partner. Listen and really empathize with how she feels. There is so much to learn if you only see it as such. Meditation: day 358 3 sessions. 45 minutes. PMO study: day 368 Read NVC, a language of life about making clear requests. There are three types of requests usually: When you want someone to share how they feel: ‘Are you willing to tell me how my words make you feel and how this is caused in you?’ When you want someone to share how they think about something specific: ‘Are you willing to let me know what you think about this specific case and whether you think I will succeed in convincing the board of this point? And if you think I will not convince the board, could you let me know what prevents this from being successful?’ When you want someone to do something: ‘Are you willing to grab me a cup of tea?’ Remember that requests are requests and not demands. Sleep: day 223 Slept well. Pain in my neck/shoulder. Went to bed around 10:06 PM Healthy eating: day 223 No sugar day yesterday. Made some nice little tuna pizza's with sweet potato, tuna and capers on puff pastry. Cold showers: day 268 I took 2 cold showers and rocked my practice!
Day 369 Took some time yesterday to prepare for the meeting with the psychiatrist today. After I've finished the sheet, I've sent it to my girl and she made some suggestions. Took a walk with my girl in the evening yesterday Workout: day 262 Did my pushups but not my workout. Plan to do my workout today. Walking: day 269 Took two 22+ min walks. One in the afternoon and one in the evening. I took my 7+ min bike ride after my afternoon walk. Screentime: day 269 3:16 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:12 hours on the Internet (got some discount coupons from my mom and looked up what they were for) Lying: day 49 Don't assume that you know what your partner means. Ask her why she thinks, feels or does something. You will be astounded. Meditation: day 359 5 sessions. 60 minutes. PMO study: day 369 Read NVC, a language of life about making clear requests. The author writes about how a mother would request her son to clean up his room, only to fall back on a demand. It takes a while to properly formulate an open request and it also takes a while for the other to really trust you making requests, and not demands. Sleep: day 224 Slept well. Still have a faint pain in my neck/shoulder. My girl and I will look for different pillows soon. Healthy eating: day 224 I had my sugar day yesterday and bought a packet of 2 cream sandwiches at the supermarket. It was tasty, but not extremely high quality. Also had a bit of chocolate. Cold showers: day 269 I took 2 cold showers and showered colder and colder!
I have been sick since after easter. Sleeping problems and neck pain. I am trying to get back into my routines. Currently day 8 nofap. No idea how that happened.. I forgot about it?
I'm sorry to hear that you've been sick, its pretty rough when it keeps you awake and the aches are never fun, hope that you feel better soon and get back into your flow. Congratulations on making it to the eight day. I'm a little sick myself and its taken its toll, had a relapse on Sunday and am slowing getting things back to order. Have simplified my routine and trying to journal here daily to keep my priorities/commitment at the front of my awareness. @JoeBimbo Thanks for asking. Glad to see that you are rolling along well as usual. You're streak(s) are inspiring.
Congrats on reaching day 8. And yeah, good routines are everything. I hope for moments that you can have consistent 8 days streaks and can even build them out to 9 days streaks. I guess it's one day at a time.
Good that you replied. The days after a relapse are never fun. The chasers are usually brutal in the first few days. I wish for you the routines so that you can build consistent 3 or 4 day streaks and continue to building them to 5 or even 6 day streaks in some time. One day at a time I suppose. Keep on keeping on!
Day 370 Picked up my girl yesterday and we went to the psychiatrist. Had a good talk with him. Afterwards, my girl and I went back to my place and she worked there for the remainder of the day. We had a confronting moment when she went to my reading room, as I have booklets lying there with notes from the spiritual school I go to. She asked whether she could read the booklet I make my daily NoFap notes in and I showed it to her. Then she wanted to see the booklet in which I made the other notes regarding the spiritual school. I was downplaying that and said that I didn't make (so many) notes in them. I was actually thinking back to last Wednesday where she found a booklet with some horrid brainfarts in there, and I felt resistant in giving her the booklet yesterday and potentially having such a moment of confrontation again. She confronted me with that behavior and I had to really take some time to let it in. Workout: day 263 Did my pushups and my workout! Short workout, but it was a workout. Walking: day 270 Took a 22+ min walk in the afternoon and a short walk in the evening. I took my 7+ min bike ride after my afternoon walk. Screentime: day 270 0:38 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:08 hours on the Internet Lying: day 50 Be upfront with information. If you don't, it will be a form of lying. If you are an addict, you're probably addicted to the comfortability of lying as well. Be naked with your partner and tell her your doubts and insecurities. Meditation: day 360 3 sessions. 50 minutes. PMO study: day 370 Read NVC, a language of life about receiving one's words empathically. The author writes about the two parts of NVC: Expressing honestly Receiving empathically The writer explains empathy through a quote of the old philosopher Chuang-Zi: “The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another.” Sleep: day 225 Didn't sleep well. Still tired and have pain in my neck. Healthy eating: day 225 No sugar day yesterday. Cold showers: day 270 2 cold showers
Day 371 Had a good day yesterday and still spoke with my girl about what happened 2 days ago. We were a bit struggling, but we managed in the end to have a good talk. I felt physically tired yesterday, as I didn't sleep well because of my neck. Workout: day 264 Did my pushups. No workout Walking: day 271 Took a 22+ min walk in the afternoon and a 22+ min walk in the evening. I took my 7+ min bike ride in the afternoon. Screentime: day 271 4:11 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:11 hours on the Internet (responding to the thread on NF) Lying: day 51 Be sweet with your partner and try to be upbeat. This problem is already heavy enough, so try to find shimmers of hope that can help you and your partner Meditation: day 361 4 sessions. 60 minutes. PMO study: day 371 Read in NVC, a language of life about receiving one's words empathically. When we express honestly, it can often be felt as a demand to act a certain way. We usually also conceal our requests as demands. I noticed that I do that with my girl when I want to move on. I say: ‘Shall we move on?’ But I mean: ‘I don't want to deal with this anymore. Let's please move on to.something fun.’ Sleep: day 227 Slept better. We're going to look for pillows today Healthy eating: day 227 No sugar day yesterday. Cold showers: day 271 2 cold showers
Day 372 Had a lovely day with my girl yesterday and picked her up before rush hour. She had an online course that she had to follow and worked from my home the rest of the day. Workout: day 265 Did my pushups and a workout. Try to do a workout today again. Walking: day 272 Took a 22+ min walk with my girl in the afternoon and a 22+ min walk in the evening! Forgot my 7+ min bike ride. Screentime: day 272 1:21 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:09 hours on the Internet Lying: day 52 Sweetness and kindness is in small things. It is ofcourse in what you say, but it is also in the small things you do for your partner to take care of her. Bringing her food when she's working, for example, is something that she might really appreciate. Meditation: day 362 3 sessions. 40 minutes. PMO study: day 372 Read in NVC, a language of life about connecting with people and receiving them empathically. The writer gives an example where he asks psychotherapists to write down an answer to the statement: ‘I feel so depressed. I see no reason to go on’. Only 3 of the 23 therapists wrote down an answer that would make someone feel acknowledged in their feelings. However, the most given answer was ‘When did it start?’ and completely bypasses the feelings and needs of the person in front of them. Sleep: day 228 Slept better. We're still going to look for pillows. Healthy eating: day 228 No sugar day yesterday. Had some snacks yesterday Cold showers: day 272 2 cold showers were had! Nice
Day 373 Had a quiet day yesterday. Helped my girl write some motivation letters. There was a moment where it felt like I lost control over my routine, as I was massively procrastinating yesterday morning. This came back in the evening where I posed a plan to my girl to meet, but there was no flexibility in that. It was set in my head that we had to go to the pillow shop first, that we would then go for a walk and that I would then cook dinner. When my girl pointed it out, I was able to look at it. Workout: day 266 Did my pushups. No workout. Walking: day 273 Took a 22+ min walk in the afternoon and a 22+ min walk in the evening. Both walks were in the neighborhood. Forgot my 7+ min bike ride again! Screentime: day 273 3:49 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:04 hours on the Internet Lying: day 53 It takes almost nothing to be offended, but it takes effort to put your own thoughts and feelings second and to really listen to your partner. Real empathy is hard to come by. Meditation: day 363 4 sessions. 60 minutes. PMO study: day 373 Read in Help.Her.Heal about the devastation that a sexual betrayal brings. After the partner finds out, she is on a constant emotional roller coaster. Extreme anger, sadness and shutting down take the stage almost all the time. Triggers seem to get out of nowhere and would re-rupture the already ruptured wound. It is important to get the correct guidance in place so that the process can be done correctly. Partner sensitive therapists are a must. Sleep: day 229 Slept okay. We're still going to look for pillows. Healthy eating: day 229 Sugar day yesterday. Bought myself a small pastry and enjoyed it. Also had a few pieces of candy. Cold showers: day 273 2 cold showers were had! Awesome. Colder than cold
Day 374 Had great day yesterday. The weather was nice and my girl and I walked a flower route. We traveled to the countryside where a lot of flower farms are now growing their flowers for resale. It was a beautiful sight to see all the different colors. After the walk, we had a cup of tea and an ice cream at the local establishment there. Afterwards, we traveled to a nearby city, had a bite to eat, and went back home. Workout: day 267 Did my pushups. No workout. Walking: day 274 Took a long walk in the afternoon with my girl and a short walk in the evening. Screentime: day 274 1:34 hours on Whatsapp (calling with my girlfriend) and 0:05 hours on the Internet Lying: day 54 Open yourself up to your partner. She may have something to tell you that you really don't like, but the more you take that in, the more you will grow from it. Meditation: day 364 4 sessions. 45 minutes. PMO study: day 374 Read in Help.Her.Heal about the five A's to ensure that I'm using empathy with my partner: Awareness; Am I aware that I might use empathy here? Acceptance; Am I willing to risk the vulnerability to practice empathy for my partner Accountability; How can I take full responsibility and find a way to convey that I emphasize with her? Acknowledgement; What can I say/do that lets her know that I am fully aware of the damage that I caused? Action plan; What can I do to assure her that I have changed and that she can trust me? It takes work to be able to apply this, but it will be so worth it. Sleep: day 230 Slept okay, but still need a new pillow. Healthy eating: day 230 No sugar day yesterday, but I cheated a little bit with eating a cookie. Cold showers: day 274 2 cold showers were had again. My body seems to want the cold water now.
Hello everyone. So 60ish days into 2024, i relapsed. after which there was a somewhat downward spiral. But then i tried to get back onto the path of abstinence, but failed after a few days everytime. now i will try one more time here we go.
Day 13 More urges today. I went to the gym and have been walking a bit. Hitting the sack now and hopefully waking up to another clean day tomorrow.
60ish days is quite a streak so obviously you have the stuff that it takes to maintain discipline and work through things, do you notice if there is a common pattern for your slips or is it just the withdrawal reaching full force?
