13 years of PMO,lost many precious things from life but still beleive in second chance to undo

Hello Faptronausts,
I have always a kept a secret about me and denied that I am not addicted to something but not anymore with the help of nofap. This is the first time I've become so open about my problem to a community. So here my story goes:

I am a 26 years old male. My cravings for masturbation did not start with porn. When I was at 7th grade I abused by two guys and by my brother as well. They used me like sex doll to masturbate. I had no idea what masturbation is and how it feels. I can not remember how many times I was abused by them but it was not more than two years. I could not tell it to my family because I am scared of my family and my dad was so strict.

Then one day, when I was at 8th grade after my abusing, I decided to explore masturbation by my own and asked myself why they do it to me. I used a pillow to start masturbation. I used to masturbate one or two weeks interval.

I found lots of magazines, still pictures in my brother drawer that was totally naked and exotic. Instrument for playing video was not available so people used still pictures and magazine as alternative of porn movies. Such images impacted my little brain so much. I started masturbation per week at that time I was only 13 years old.

When I was 10th grade I found Internet to watch porn, therefore, my cravings for masturbation got more stimulus to keep this habit. And gradually I updated my Internet line to watch more exotic materials. I can remember at-least 25-30 porn-star names. Whenever I found a new porn-star I used her scene to masturbate more. My grade at university started to fall but somehow I manged to pass all courses.

While at university I met a girl but I knew she was in love with someone else since her school so I decided not to fall in with her but we had a fantastic friendship. That girl always wanted to go out and stay with mine as much as possible. She tried at her best to convince me but I convinced myself by telling that her boyfriend lives in another country so she needs a guy to spend some quality time and she will leave me after finishing her undergraduate. I understood now that my perception to her was completely wrong. She wanted me indeed. I was immensely addicted to PMO while at that time.

I do not want to make this story long ,though, I have much to tell. I want to tell how PMO affects my psychology and physical health.

01. Social Anxiety: Well, this problem is it's best. I did not like to mingle people much. I did not even attend some job interviews because of it. I had to quit some presentations while at university. I did not attend my only sister's wedding. Procrastination is at its Best . I become lazy like hell. I started to keep myself away from my family. To avoid my social anxiety and feel good I did PMO one or two days interval sometimes even two or more times in a day.

02. Physical Health: I started to feel dizzy sometimes. Milder headache. I found myself as bipolar syndrome patient. My hair starts to fall and 50% of hair already lost. My legs cramps. My legs started to pain if I walk or run for 30 minutes or long. Frequent urination. Milder constipation. My weight was below then normal. Looked a bit older than my age.

03. depression: depression was its at milder state but my suicidal thought came frequently. I can not talk to people looking right away to their eyes. Extreme shyness. Avoid to talk to girls specially at class or campus. Crying for no region. Ability to remember something for long has almost diminished.

04. Anxiety, over thinking, not receiving calls. Feeling guilty but felt so good immediately after Masturbation.

My realization:

I realized that PMO is bad for health but I never tried hard to avoid PMO. My hardest try was free from PMO for 30 days. Now I am denominate myself as addicted to PMO. While searching Internet I found this website. As I said I tried by my own without the help of this website but I failed and relapsed.

In a few months, I have to take some tough decisions about my life. It's not about PMO but about my future. But one thing for sure If I did not give PMO I never be able to reach my goal in life. So decided to leave PMO as hard as possible and never come back to this habit again. I do not wish to marry or make girl-riend right now as I am going to make some vital changes about my life. I do not want to disappoint a woman or girl but one-day, for sure, I will make someone happy.

12 DAYS OF PMO FREE and COUNTING.
THANK YOU WHO CREATED THIS FLATFORM. GOD BLESS YOU,MAN.

 

Thank You. I'll follow the link.