At what point in the build up do you realize the material you're engaging with has cost you your "sobriety"? Ex: I was watching music videos today and realized they were sexually frustrating me. This lead me to harder material, before I even realized it. The reason I'm asking this is because I want to know if the members of this community consider anything that incites sexual reaction to be pornographic, because I'm having difficulty figuring out where to draw the line... Opinions? Advice? Experience? Sorry if this has been asked before, I've only joined a few days ago. Redirect me if you are aware of another thread. Thanks!
Porn is images or videos of nudity or sex. Porn substitutes are anything that sexually excites you, even if the images are of fully clothed people. To recover from your addiction, you need to completely abstain from all images or activities that excite you. One possible exception is being intimate with a significant other. But that's it. Anything that arouses you is a substitute. Intentionally looking at substitutes will only lead to temptation to look at real porn again.
I also have trouble with this topic. I believe the line between pornography and, let's say, erotica can be very blurry. I personally do not always know where one ends and the other begins. Everybody's definition of the two seems to be different, some consider erotica to be porn and vice-versa. I can say that Western culture is very sexualized (I live in it). I doesn't make me proud, but there are aspects of our culture that are very hypocritical. For instance a pornography is considered way off limits by mainstream industries, but it is perfectly fine to show Nicki Minaj music videos which are extremely pornographic. This makes things really tough. It is almost impossible to navigate though out lives without being hit by porn triggers. Due to my reboot I have only been exposed to the triggers that I can not easily avoid, but it still makes things harder. My advice would be: if you have to question whether or not something porn to begin with, then it's too pornographic and should be avoided (if you are doing a reboot)
I think the question is irrelevant. The general problem I believe everyone has here is we 'use' things to get off. We want the reward of sex without the connection or the responsibility. You can do this just in your mind with fantasy. You can use non pornographic images. You can use prostitutes, or shallow relationships. It really does not matter what you use.
Thanks, everyone for the responses. Looks like my reboot may involve completely removing my computer from my day- to- day life for a few months.
Anything that arouses you, or leads you to want to be aroused. Writing, pictures, videos, noises, all of it. Avoid it all and quitting is much easier.
A lot of our desires to see women's bodies sexually on a screen comes from the same needy and clingy emotions that some of us exhibit towards women in general. It's honestly all the same connection. Once we deal with the emotions of loneliness, rejection from women, anger towards them (which a lot of us don't even realise we have), much of our desire to view women as objects will cease. A lot of us have elements of control and neediness towards women within us, which a lot of the time is the route of porn addiction for many men. Of course, it's different for every individual, but this is true for a lot of men.
I tend to agree with icy web. For me it isn't a question of porn, it's a constant guard against fantasy and arousal. Why? Because what may cause me issues one day means nothing the next day. That being said I always think In terms of boundaries. I live in a major U.S. City and there are dangerous areas that should be avoided. If you go there you can put yourself at risk. Same with simple things like swimsuit models or "innocent" sites like perfectly timed photos. After the second image of the lingerie bowl I was the outta there instantly. I don't need to add fuel to my sexual desires. So for what it's worth you might want to think more in terms of triggers, heck, there's some burger commercials I probably wouldn't watch!!!
If I stumble across a picture of Emma Watson or Emelia Clarke (I have a type) looking nice, I'll probably get a slight flutter feeling and think, "they're gorgeous". I think that's fine. If I start looking up pictures of them on google images and begin "shaking hands with the unemployed" (my favourite euphemism) then I consider that it's now become porn. For me it's that fine line between appreciating beauty or going into my addiction-laced fantasy world. Question to all posters here - would you consider the recent Miley Cyrus videos (Wrecking Ball etc) porn? The word porn itself represents far too many things anyway!
Unfortunately Porn is a word that has a lot of gray area. Obviously there are the usual suspect sites when you plug in the correct search terms.... All done that? Show of hands? yep! me too. I refuse to watch Miley Cyrus's videos or look at her photos. I don't consider them a trigger, but on the other hand she's a very pretty girl showing skin - and she lives for the attention. I don't need to go there.
Others in here refer to the "wife test" in connection with their counters. They avoid looking at anything they wouldn't be looking at if their wife was sitting next to them. Obviously, in the course of a day we'll run into things that are provocative and might not strictly pass the wife test. But the key is the intention. Did you seek it out, or did you just happen to run into it by accident?
