Hey, I’ve been on NoFap for two years now. Sometimes I’ll be on a 40+ 100+ day streak. Sometimes I’ll be on two weeks. Sometimes I’ll be binging during a stressful time. But in those two years, my life has changed drastically. I went from no real friends, studying a college major I didn’t want to, and failing classes. To now having a few close friends, being in touch with my emotions on a journal, studying the major I want, graduating early in December, and making money from an internship. I’m doing great. But, I’m still single. I’ve been rejected a ton, and I’ve even taken a really hot girl on a date. But I was still developing in that time as most college students are. I’m taking classes until December (summer & fall) and working. But I’m free nearly everyday from 5-10pm. (Unless cooking for the week or hanging with a friend.) I really want to make progress in the girlfriend area of my life, but it’s hard. I need the last hour of my day to unwind before bed, so I’m only really free from 5-9pm. I’d need to find an activity to do during that time with lots of girls and to ask them out. But I hate doing an activity solely to ask out girls. That’s extremely time consuming. But I’m willing to do it if there’s actually an activity where I can talk with a girl, get to know her a little, before asking her out or trading numbers. I have money from my internship and second job. I even installed Tinder and paid for it yesterday, been getting lots of likes atm but not sure how many will turn to dates. I really want to succeed. I really want to find a girlfriend. The right girlfriend. Please share advice.
Joke aside, i think you are on a good way. Just keep doing and be busy. In this world, you have to EARN a good women. How often do you approach a women and where? How often you get a date?
I asked out a handful of women last semester. I took one on a date. She was great, but really anxious and job insecure due to her major, so she decided to focus on school. Which is understandable. I had the same reasoning after a date in freshman year. I’m not a model. But I’m well groomed, workout, wear fitting clothes, etc. I think what I’m missing rn is a social life. Which is ironic because that’s what I planned to work on last semester. But instead I locked in and sped up my coursework to graduate early, and got an internship. Which I’m grateful for! But now that it’s Summer and college clubs are inactive. I’m not sure what to do. I need a social activity I can choose to do/not to do daily from 5-9pm. That doesn’t involve absolutely breaking the bank or drinking. I’ve done martial arts, I’ve done improv. I’m open to most things. P.S. when & where: usually people i met in college clubs or in class. i’d ask them out after the activity, or over text if i couldn’t get a moment alone with them. my biggest issue rn is i need a place to be a social where i can meet women. Which is hard since it’s summer and i’m a college students. Dafuq do college students do in the summer? Aside from internships and summer classes (which i’m doing)
Hi @sohardrn . I think you are in the right way as @depeche69 said. Simply asking and wanting to know about it is a very good step that many guys don't take. In this subject I guess there are many different opinions and it's all very subjective. Each of us has a different personal story and so on. To me, the world of pick-up artists was really helpful in the past. I am really shy by nature, and it took me a lot to find my first partner. We got to live together but after a couple of years I realised it wasn't working. It had become a nightmare. We suffered a lot and finally broke up. By then I was in my 30's, very shy, low self-esteem and didn't know how to start dating. One day I actually googled "how to find a girlfriend" or something like that, and the world of pick-up artists unfolded in that screen. I started reading online, surfing for more. I was skeptical with it but some friend also mentioned about it, and that it was working for him, so I decided to give it a try. I bought a few books and started learning about the science of attraction. After a while, and trying hard, I started dating, ...so much that it was unbelievable, meeting all kinds of girls, from different backgrounds. I loved almost all of them, and they loved me. I'm pretty sure a few would have married me, but to me it was clear that none of them made the perfect match. This went on for a few months, until I met my wife. My dream girl, no doubt. By the time I met her I was ready, I had accepted myself, I felt comfortable with talking to a girl in a date, I was able to make a conversation out of nowhere, make laugh and so on. I was better with my shyness and had learnt how to present myself in a way that women feel comfortable with and attracted to. I'm really thankful to those pick-up artists that made me see the world of dating and attraction from a complete new angle. For me it was a journey, still is, that took 2+ years. Totally worth it.
Tinder is a fast train back to relapse and deep depression. It is designed to prey on your feelings of inadequacy with the promise of "plenty" and a harem of potential mates. It works on the brain very similar to PMO. Also it is flooded with bots and catfish. Search "Kidology Tinder" on YT, it breaks it all down quite well. Stop equating "success" to getting an SO, laid, or whatever social status marker. Success is a personal identifier that comes from being proud of your achievements, focusing on goals, and being the best version of yourself. It is not qualified by external things. There are lots of things you can do to practice small talk, join hobbies and clubs, and various socializing events. But at the end of the day if you are desperately searching for a "hot" girl, you are just objectifying people and looking for your addiction-replacement. Women can smell that desperation. It might keep you single for a long time, or worse, attract a super toxic "hot" gf who will prey on and absolutely ruin you.
Try a church. Bunch of people just talking with goals usually of being friends. Or sign up for some sport league like pickleball. There also may be some bars that do social nights, that'd be worth a shot.
Spending time together is the number one factor for any relationship. When there is no time together there is no relationship. I feel like for men game is important. The talking and social calibration. Looks is important too. But it can't hold a relation long term.
This strikes a chord with me. Success is defined by you. Success is something you control. Lately I’ve been defining success as finding a good girlfriend. But although that’d be great, I won’t be a good boyfriend if I need it this bad. Be content. Be happy with my achievements. Be fulfilling my needs. That is success. I’ve gotten better today by starting to give myself a weekly day off every Saturday. Hit the gym and learned some guitar today. Guitar is really helping as it’s giving me something to do before bed that very soon won’t require much screentime. I’ve also adjusted the computer setup in my bedroom to where it’s set for guitar and I wanna use it for that. Do need a social thing, but now that it’s summer that’s harder to find. Emailed the student org office at my uni asking which clubs are open this Summer. Might pick something from that response. But right now priority is simply to do NoFap the next 10 days. After that I’ll be back in class for the Summer with a good reset. And in a better mental space having become accustomed to guitar. And in a better mental space because my schedule as a whole is significantly better now. All that I need to do tonight is get off my phone for some no-screen time rest and sleeping on-time for my new schedule! Let’s go. Appreciate your insight. Success is being proud of your achievements. Being healthy. And being yourself.
my opinion, and i could be speaking from ignorance... attraction builds via familiarity. i feel, being social and building rapport with a person is the way to a relationship. now, nofap (partially) will make you more available emotionally, hormonally, physically. the only way ive ever gotten a GF or something close was by being exposed to the person and them getting to know me via that exposure. for example, one girl i knew would come to see my band play and hang out at the parties after. in the group of friends, we got to know each other and feelings formed. another similar time was a girl i worked with. i saw her most days and started going out with work ppl for drinks. we were exposed to each other and attraction grew. on her last day of work, she asked me out. my best friend met his current GF because he would work from home a lot so he would go to the coffee shop everyday and got to know one of the waitresses. its just about social exposure intially, i think
