I am a man trying to stop porn use. One thing that always works as a wake up call is hearing about the women who suffer from the porn use by their partners. I think we read a lot about the negative effects of porn use on the user. We read all about PIED. We read about the decrease in sensitivity to life. And we also ready about how it can effect our spouses or S.Os. But I don't want to just know these things, I want to hear experiences from their perspective. I know that women are hurting, please share your stories. Tell us, it will help give us the reason and motivation to quit. I thank you for your support by being on this forum, I think it takes great courage to support your S.O through his malady of the mind. It cannot be expressed enough that you are who we hurt and neglect when we use porn. Men, let's get together support our wives and give them a "mother's day" like no other, let's love them and not porn.
Do you have direct access to P or are you seeking it out? If you're struggling badly, the number solution is to get blockers in place immediately. And if your access to it is easy in some other way : friends, relatives, work.. you may need to take more drastic measures. Elimination and replacing or suggesting people use better protection for their devices when you're around... you get the idea. Be transparent with people and let them know you don't want the internet around you and the person you're with since it is too pleasure seeking for yourself to handle. Figure out a plan. You're struggling and you need to find what works fast before you sink deeper bro
I think our stories can't be completely summed up in a post. You can always read our journals in the SO section to see all the turmoil we go through with our partners addiction. The worst of it is the PTSD that it causes. It uproots the safety and security of the marriage and puts us in constant fight, flight, or freeze mode. It is the feelings of inadequacy, the inability to trust due to the constant lies, feeling unworthy, unwanted, neglected, and emotionally distant from our partners because they were never in the relationship 100 percent like we were. The constant questions that have insufficient answers and the constant wonder of what they're doing when they are away. The severity can depend on how far the addiction escalated and if the man took the addiction outside the marriage. On the flip side, recovery can create a closeness that was never there before once the man fully commits to quitting. The man is able to find out who he really is under all the maladaptive coping mechanisms that have been in place for so many years. There is a vulnerability that happens that can bring the couple closer together, and can allow for more understanding of what each other is going through. Ive been watching my husband grow over these last few years and there have been some amazing changes. He always had an image of himself in his head on who he thought he was, and would pretend to be that person in front of other people. He is now becoming that person for real.
