Hello friends, I just joined to community because I believe I have some real issues of porn addicition. I am 25 years old and never really had a real sex life to speak of (I had sex a couple times and a few blowjobs but that's all). I grew up without really caring about it, so last time I had lost my erection half way, I thought, hey, it's probably just a temporary thing. I even thought that my partner may not be exciting enough. That was last year. I could still pop an erection but it had to be heavily sustained. I've been watching porn for years (way before my first sex action). The difference is, the amount of sessions gew up a lot this last year, from once a day to maybe three or four. I also lost my mother recently and I believe it has also created some emotional gap, as the process was really painful. I am currently visiting Thailand and of course, sex occasions come on a regular basis. I've managed to bring a girl (not a hooker) home and oh boy was she nice, slender body, all shaved, perky breasts, you know what I mean. And of course, after a little warm up, when I should be ready, nothing. Just managed a miserable half erection that lasted for 20 seconds. The humiliation was a real shock, once again and now that I've been paying more attention, I noticed that I never get hard, even when girls dance on my lap or whatever. I don't have morning wood anymore either since some time. I was not sure about NoFap but I really believe it will help. I am now convinced that what I thought was a "once in a while" effect or stress is only a partial problem but that porn addicition is the real issue. I am probably gonna miss a few good opportunities during my stay here again. I plan to use that frustration as a fuel for my reboot, and of course, hopefully the help of this community Sorry for the long intro, I believe that just writing it is already helping tho, so I hope I can manage my rebooting process and get back in life with more confidence and a better sexual life. Edit: forgot to say, guess I'll start with 30 days no P or M but on easy mode (my trip will last 2 more weeks). After it, if I can manage, I'll try hard mode no PMO, since I am single anyways and don't really tried anything for a long time, just feels like I was really deconnected. Cheers!
Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. While I do not know the pain you are experiencing because of the loss of your mother, I do understand the grief involved in losing a mother. I know it all too well. Next week will be the one year anniversary of the death and burial of my mother and May 2017 will be the two year anniversary of the death of my father. It is very easy to want and need to fill the gap greater when someone dies and to use someone to numb the pain of the loss. I implore you to not use PMO as an escape to comfort and from pain. The damage done will not be worth it and the pain will still be there. Here is a thought, you could begin hard mode while you are in Thailand since you are having erection issues anyway and the frustration you are having may continue while you are there. Just a suggestion. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
Hi D. J. Thanks for the support. I never thought I used PMO as an excuse or an escape but now that I think about it, it does indeed seem to the case. I noticed that I also decided to do some other things, like learning a foreign language or improving my cookong skills, which is fine I guess but PMO has also tremendously augmented since. I can still manage an erection if it's a blowjob but can't aim at full sex, I need some real effort effort to get and stay hard and have what I believe are delayed orgasms. The no PMO does sound like a plan, I will need to fight the social pressure coming from my friends who obviously don't have the same problem and want to make sure we "enjoy" as much as possible. I do like the idea tho, sounds challenging and as you said, doing that stuff right now usually only leads to deception and frustration for me. I guess will try to go for a standard 90 days no PMO starting tomorrow and I'll take the chance to observe and understand my current weaknessess. I may fail but it should be less challenging once I get to normal life again I also want to increase my sleeping time and get back to the gym (extra fat won't help me in any ways) so hopefully these activites will help me keep my hands out of my trousers. What do you think about my approach? I understand everyone is different and so are the ways to reach a result. Cheers
Question: is there a time when you would never admit admit to having a problem with porn or masturbation even if you were directly asked? If the answer is "yes" then there is a real possibility that at least one of your friends is having the same or similar problem as all of us and you choosing to open the closet door and reveal your skeletons may get you a hard time in public but in private, maybe one (or more) may come to you for advice and information. My point is, don't assume because no one will talk about that no one but you are dealing with it. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips to help you along your journey.
Thank you for sharing your story. Escapism is the root cause for me personally and i find it shows in all other areas of my life. Just wondered if you found that to be true?
Thanks for sharing your story, Blyrt. First of all I'm sorry for your loss... I can't imagine how hard that must be. I do, however, recognize myself so much in the rest of your story, even though I'm a girl. I'm 24 and though I should be dripping wet every time I have hot sexual partners and they really do the right things, nothing happens. I understand this horrible humiliation and I'm secretly glad I'm not the only one. I was just wondering: do you get hard when you watch porn? Anyway, you're doing the right thing, together we can make it! I want to wish you the best of luck, I believe in you! And you can always PM me if you're struggling.
Thanks everyone for your amazing messages. I can now admit that I have a problem, because I've seen the direct results of that. I've told my friends bit they don't seem to feel very concerned about the problem, they say, as soon as they start kissing or touching someone, it's on... Well, for me, it's not What scares me is that the problem increased steadily but I never really noticed the effects before. @Sugna yes, I do believe I escape a lot in my sentimental life at least. At work, with friends, etc, I usually manage and am pretty confident (contact with boys and girls alike) but when it's about love or just getting closer to girls, I always fear what could happen so I close up and flee. My friends (guys and girls) often tell me that I am not "open" to emotional contact so that's why I don't get many opportunities. I have some kind of "0 risk to get hurt" policy that is probably not good to me but that's what I usually do. Guess that's why I love confidence and become awkward when things tend to become serious. @Tessa I am very glad to see I am not the only one too. The humiliation is even stronger because I lose all my means. Some people can become limp or get premature but will still manage because of their experience. When I lose my erection, I usually become distressed and it's all over. Just seeing how that girl looked at me the first day, all smiling and all and the second day was like I did not even exist anymore, well that hurts like crazy. I was looking for some love and care, and she did give it to me but I was really disappointed that I could not even offer a proper reward for that (and so was she). Obviously it was a one noght stand but still. As for when I masturbate, I can have an erection but I need to keep masturbating non stop or I lose it. Guess sometimea I finish even before I get properly hard. I am sure we can mutually support each other, since we seem to have a similar experience All your messages are just confirming my suspicions that this problem really does exist and that this abuse of P and my life of fleeing anything serious has put me here now, in a situation where even if everything is done right, the ending is wrong. I now see it and see all I've been mission, I hope that I can fix all of that with your support, thanks brothers and sisters.
