Day 3 - Youngling I know how that feels. When I am in Hard Mode and I have to do that. Most likely, I will fully give in to the dark side of PMO because I hate resetting for that reason (No P rule) lol...That's it. @JEDI KNIGHT Eh well I am trying to be honest. I can't do Semen Retention alone here since this challenge a Hard Mode after all. It seems like -Angel- hasn't left just yet I just decided to come back and just do my journey with the fellow Jedi Friend here which is you while doing NNN along the way. Then we see from there. If I am successful then I will continue moving upward on Hard Mode here and the rest of them after November. If not well, I will go back to Semen Retention goal alone with the other challenges that I will keep doing as well. I think I was getting a hang of it by myself but oh well I decided on a whim to do it since NNN is approaching so why not do it for the next 30 days on Hard Mode here and go from there. I will just stick through here for now. Because as I said Hard Mode really helped with my Semen Retention streak so that is a positive doing it here and the rest for me. Eventually, I will do only Semen Retention alone since that will be my long term goal opposed to Hard Mode. Any way, let's go JEDI KNIGHT. I am ready to go back where I left off! Fight the dark side Jedi out
Day 1 - Youngling I relapsed again. NNN is coming up tomorrow so I would like to be able to participate in that. There is a concept I thought of that might help. Porn addiction never really existed before the internet. I mean it would have been a lot harder to be addicted. Before television we never looked at screens. So it's quite unnatural to look at a screen all day, much less crave to look at one for porn. With that thought, I notice the feeling of resistance in me to try to not use technology. But I don't need the technology, other than stuff like email. I will try a short screen fast today and only use the computer for something that's necessary. Also that rather than jumping right onto porn when I have the triggering thought, or try to resist it by distracting myself, I will slow down and create a space between the triggering thought and my reaction.
Youngling: 3/6 Midichlorian Count: 300 I actually thought of that concept while watching The Walking Dead. No internet, no computers (unless they're powered by green energy), and lack of access to food and water. Pretty much all addictions wiped out. People having to work together, growing fresh food, hunting in nature, no computers, or TV screens (unless they're powered naturally, and infrastructure already in place), but books which they can scavenge. Sometimes, it seems quite appealing.
Day 4 & 5. Checking in. Day 5 - Youngling NNN start NNN for me as a Lonewolf this year Patience Jedi out
Day 2 - Youngling Last week I got laid off from my job so that's why I haven't been doing well here. It's difficult to keep myself oriented. And that I haven't been keeping up with doing house chores and going to the gym. But it doesn't do me any good to fall apart like that. I will put back together my situation one piece at a time starting with cleaning my messy room. I'll go back to the gym today, and assign myself an amount of time for my reading later. I am okay as I am. I just never learned the skill to adjust when there's a change in my life. My life isn't falling apart and I have time to find another job. I don't need to be a mess and that I can still take care of myself like I was doing. I can support myself now even though there was no one there to support me when growing up as a child. Doing better in my life and making better decisions isn't about rectifying guilt, but that neglecting myself means that I'm just repeating the abuse patterns that I grew up with. Not healing that emotional abuse means that I will keep beating myself up for feeling guilty for the way I am. Not improving my life won't mean that I will be guilty of something. But it will mean a life of misery if I don't learn to love myself. I started now with doing some self love affirmations and that I tidied up my room. Now I plan to go to the gym for a good workout. I got a lot out of doing some sessions with a personal trainer so I feel a lot more confident in doing the exercises properly and that I feel that I'm getting a better workout than before. The child in me feels abused from the way that his parents treated him, or neglected him. The only way that I can help that child is by giving him attention, and the support that he always needed. I'm going to go to the gym soon after I finish my tea. I have my gym bag ready and I have in mind what exercises I will be doing. After that it will be time to prepare my supper, and after supper to continue reading my book. So there, I know what I'm going to do today and that I won't feel disoriented and disorganized like I was for the past week. And all the while I'm not going to beat myself up, but to affirm that I am okay and that I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have my needs met. I deserve to give myself attention and to fulfill my needs. No body is going to be able to care about me in the way that I can for myself. This can be an opportunity to express the ownership that I have over my own life, and the power that I can take up for myself to forge my future the way that I want it.
It's good to have this time off from work I think to reflect, and to make some changes that might be hard if I'm flat out working. I have been so hard on myself in the past few years especially I think and that I didn't allow myself much room to rest from work, to destress, or to just enjoy simple pleasures in life. Taking care of myself doesn't mean that I should be lazy, but it also doesn't meant that I should work myself to death with no rest and no time to enjoy life. First of all trying to stay away from pmo is treating myself better. Exercising and eating healthier is treating myself better and with more compassion. Also knowing how to take it easy rather than being extreme is treating myself with compassion. I can do this, one step at a time. By making a practice to affirm that I am okay, there is nothing wrong with the person that I am, and that I deserve to feel love rather than anxiety all the time.
Youngling: 4/6 Midichlorian Count: 400 @Dovahkin101 Was that the apprenticeship who laid you off? What happened? I guess, like you say, it could allow you time to reflect, and take stock.
day 3✅ i had two great days, i did a digital fast and i gained a lot of energy from that. its totally worth it, finally i could do it and in the extension that i wanted. @-Negan- i love the show that a catastrophe happens and people have to go survival, you are tempting me to watch twd but i dont know if i want to watch it all. maybe looking for a show that has a survival plot o r something. when you do a digital fast you learned how much time you have been wasting. @Dovahkin101 im sorry to hear that, well you always can learn from the experience so when you had a new job you surely are going to be better. and you said it perfectly dont let you fall apart. with this time off the cellphone i learned that if im not distracted i enjoy my time in work more. and in totally better and more focused. and now i remember i wanted to thank you for the thing you said in a post a few days ago, about thinking about what mando would do, and now i took that and everytime i have to take a desicion even if its a small decision, i think what qui gonn do or what my best version would do or another person that i look up to. its a great advice that helps with discipline and focus.
Day 3 - Youngling I like this idea of posting pictures. Being a visual person rather than a conceptual person I don't know why I didn't think of this from the start. Having a picture to focus on helps to remind me what I'm doing and what my purpose is.
I know that I feel better as well for using technology less. If there's nothing else that I need to do on the computer then there's really a lot more better things I can do away from the screens. Another bad habit I have is that I can end up wasting my time just browsing through the internet with no intent or purpose. And It's likely that I end up in a porn site.
