Hey brother! I think in these last 94 days i have about 10 wet dreams. That means 1 wet dreams every 10 days... Usually isn't so regular i think. Or as i remember from other times. The truth is that my score is 365 days no PMO. Every year i fell. And back again. Of course first month is difficult and even first 100 days... As the counter increase, wet dreams etc disappear... I still remember that before my last relapse, i had more than 4 months to have a wet dream. That's how it works with me at least.
Things at work continue to be super anxiety-inducing, and I'm preparing a disclosure with my therapist that I'll be giving to my wife next week or the week after. This disclosure has been on mind since the end of last year. Although I have a lot worry and fear around this, it will be good to finally have it done. The disclosure covers my acting out with PMO during the 25 years of our marriage. I'm trying hard not to let myself fall into a black hole of self-disgust and shame, but it's an ongoing battle. Surprisingly, urges have been manageable (so far), and am still feeling pretty stable, at least for now. At this moment I'm feeling gratitude for you all and the greater Nofap community in general. I've learned so much here and I'm hoping that this will be reflected in a frank, honest disclosure that my wife deserves to receive. This week: 1 day meditation 1 day exercise
Feeling like crap/depression is a normal part of a reboot, to a certain extent. First of all, by rebooting, you're rewiring your brain by depriving it of dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical that gives you happiness. So by starving your brain of dopamine, you can expect to go through periods where you just feel miserable. It's also a tactic your brain can use to try and get you to reset. Secondly, there's the brain fog. People who look at porn/jack off constantly have a fog they live in, that they don't even realise. This fog gives them a certain level of apathy/numbness to the life they're living. Once they get to a good stage in their reboot (streaks over a month for example) the brain fog starts to dissipate, and they start to feel/care more deeply about their own life. Now, if your life is unsatisfactory in any way, you'll suddenly go from being numb about it to being unhappy about it, and as it's hard to fix that part of your life while still rebooting, the process of doing both tends to stretch out into something that could be approximated to be depression. Having said that... you just need to fix that part of your life without slipping back into porn, and everything usually works out. (Assuming it's reasonably possible to fix that part) I've been rebooting for 9 months, and my longest streak is 2 months. I have not had any withdrawal from porn/masturbation... except of course the dopamine craving, but that's just par for the course. (And the other things I mentioned above)
Thanks for taking the time to respond. Yes I agree that the brain has tactics to try and get is to go back to porn..I've been on this forum since 2018 and I'm still here so clearly I haven't succeeded in kicking porn fully yet but I am feeling more motivated than ever to lead a fulfilling life and I know that that starts with kicking P for good...but I need this forum as it's such a difficult addiction to fully beat. But I'm 42 and the time is now and I feel very determined.
Interesting. I have not had one at all the entire 86 days. I am thinking I could be in some form of flatline, I do have morning wood on a regular basis so not sure. Only time will tell I suppose.
I have read the rules and would like to join this group. Today was a reset after 7 days, 2nd reset after a week in a row . My longest streak ever has been 28 days. I'm hungry for 30, 60, 90!!!!
When you use P and M on a regular basis it activate several brain chemicals which is what makes it so addictive. So just like any mood altering drug dependency, you will experience withdrawals and all kinds of mood swings and emotions when you give it up. But I think the worst part of this is in the first month or so and after that you become more stabilized and calm.
@BookNerd42 - You have been added to the member ranking. Welcome to the group and good luck in your recovery efforts!
I usually not have any morning wood... Probably cause i have wet dreams? Don't know... Just yesterday i had one more and this time was at noon...
I think many of us older folks have partners. This post really helped me look at things differently last night. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...nderstand-how-it-feels-spouse-of-a-pa.158654/ This has shattered me. I read it 3x over an hour to commit it to memory It's so easy for us p addicts to jump right into defensiveness, and although my wife has tried articulating how she feels less than I never truly listened as well as I could have. I'd accuse her of making my recovery journey about her. But I cannot even fathom the levels and depth of pain, doubt, self loathing, stress and anxiety I have caused her with my actions. I only know that if the shoes were switched, then I could not possibly live through all that.... it's really something to take to heart I've been on my recovery journey for 4 months now. Many ups, many downs. I've allowed too many excuses for why I needed each relapse or reset and I've been open and honest with my wife when they happen, and have watched her collapse inwardly each time. Tonight was a big one, long argument, yelling over each other. I need to not get defensive. I need for 1 minute to think, what if this was reversed. I need to hear that she's hurt without explaining (see "justifying") the science of addiction and excuses that "I only looked" for example. I need to just hear the pain I caused without trying to fix it right away. I can only make it better one day at a time and I hope to God she continues to give me that chance.
Been having stomach pain lately, took the day off yesterday to see if it would help. It did for the most part, although the pain is there. Most likely stress-related. My wife is out of town, and for once in my adult life I haven't been binging on P. I did watch some mindless movies yesterday, some of which had content I probably shouldn't have consumed, but on the whole a good day. Back to work today, urges are low, but so is my motivation. I might be experiencing burnout, or just dopamine withdrawal. Definitely need to get back to daily meditation. This week: 2 days meditation 2 days exercise
