It has been a while since I have been on this forum, but I feel like I am out of control. Back in November of 2022, I met my first real girlfriend. I had been putting in the work for almost 10 months at that point, slowly getting over my struggles with porn, and I was hitting the gym very consistently. School was a main focus, and my drive to succeed was through the roof. I was at an all time high in my life. My buddy introduced me to this girl he worked with, and we hit it off. She was the first girl I had truly been vulnerable to. I had never really done anything sexual with a girl up to that point other than making out, so it was pretty slow and awkward getting intimate at first. I was afraid that my struggles with porn would affect our relationship. When we would get sexual, I noticed that I had a difficult time getting, and maintaining an erection. It was humiliating, so I would focus on getting her off. Eventually this lead to her feeling insecure, so I just came out and told her the truth. I told her about how I struggle with porn addiction. She was so understanding, and supportive that I almost cried in front of her. That level of vulnerability, and openness was something that I had never done before. I told her I wanted to heal myself from it. I did good for a while, and things started to improve. We had sex for the first time, and holding her after made me feel so close to her. I had everything. Then our relationship gradually became more toxic. I would rather not go into detail about what happened between us towards the end, however I will say that she made me miserable. Then it ended. All of the firsts I had with her were a thing of the past. The emotional numbness crept back in, and I slipped back into my porn habit like a freight train slamming into a car on railroad tracks. I have been slowly rebuilding my confidence ever since. The journey I must undergo is going to be hard, but if I want to feel fulfilled I know what I must do. I honestly don't know why I'm posting this. Maybe I'm hoping this will give me more of a reason to cut this toxic shit out of my life.
Welcome back to the "good fight" against porn. Sorry to hear that the relationship didn't work out, hopefully the experience will make you wiser and better equipped for the next one. Stay strong, a few weeks sober and you'll be feeling like a different person. Good luck
Thanks man, I appreciate it. I definitely took a lot of lessons out my previous relationship, and gained tons of experience. I'm starting all of the habits that lead me to be so successful last time today, so I'm sure it will go great so long as I stay consistent. Best of luck on your journey as well.
