Hi everyone, I’m very happy that I took the step of joining this forum to share my experience and journey, and see if I can help someone. My story: I started watching porn at the Age of 13. I worked very hard at school to get high marks and a good physical condition, to be able to achieve my dream job. My college time was also a continuous sacrifice, in most of the days. Regarding that, I was not aware that all the stress that I was accumulating needed to be released in some way, and it was with masturbation and porn. Escalation through those years kept increasing until being only able to ejaculate with femdom Golden Showers and/or transwoman fucking men videos (even some sissy hypno and Gay cruising videos). I started asking myself if I might be Gay (feeling that I have never liked any guy in that way in my entire life). That question was very painful for me, I felt that I was worse than my friends, who at the time were having sex with a lot of beautiful girls and enjoying life. My first real live sexual encounter was at the age of 23. Before that, I tried three times with almost perfect girls and I couldn’t achieve an acceptable boner. I used to get anxious and feel I wasn’t a complete man. I started going to a psychologist. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and some kind of depression (porn then appeared not to be the root cause). Then I started fantasizing about having sex with prostitutes (cis-girls and transwomen) and see if I really like those fantasies. It’s been three years until I stopped of sex with transwomen as passive and receiving golden showers from girls (paying). It used to happen once every two months or something like that (actually when the urge was unstoppable), and some times happened two-three times in a day. Both in normal sexual relationships and in the ones I’ve commented on, I was not able to enjoy them. I did not get arousal (more than the fact that staying with transwomen or receiving a golden shower was the same as watching it on online porn) nor reach orgasm. I’ve been in a relationship with a beautiful girl for almost three years. Although we have sex 3-4 times a week (we don’t see each other too much due to jobs schedule), I’ve never been able to ejaculate while penetrating, nor enjoying sex and being aroused in a strict way (I could get a boner but changing position or having some thoughts made it soft again). I know that I cheated on her having sex with prostitutes, but I feel that I’m an addict and I couldn’t stop those urges, at least for those moments. When I’m relaxed and not thinking about porn, I would never cheat her (having full control of my will). Three months ago I finally discovered that all my problems related to sexual performance and self-esteem were due to porn addiction (thanks to this forum, reading YBOP book and with the help of my new psychologist). That was a happy day, knowing that everything can be solved (those strange fetishes may dias apear) and my life can go back to normal (after a tough journey through rebooting). I want to enjoy againg daily life, believe in me and recover self-esteem, and be able to have healthy sex with my sexy girlfriend. I have been away from masturbation, porn and sex encounters for 14 days!!! Let’s keep going! ✌
