1/11 Far too early to make that kind of conclusion, even though I'm sort of saying that to myself to feel strong. I must constantly be aware because a potential failure may lie around any corner.
0/9 Why is rot so enjoyable and comforting? I miss the days when my mind was consumed by rage, it was so easy to make good decisions then!
3/9 Did not fail yet but why do I have to have this same conversation with myself? After 7 years of doing this??
Yeah, same here. Back then, when we started, was it a thinkable option that we're still in square one after several years? Is it an option for us that we're doing the same thing five years from now? What would that mean? Would that require us to seek some other help than an online forum? Something needs to change for real to not let that happen. 0/11 The last days have been very hard. I really had to battle through thoughts that urged me to relapse. I managed to get a couple of victorious days, but yesterday I gave in. I was trying to convince myself I was already in control. This demon can lure us thinking we're on top, but then it starts strangling us again. It is stronger than anybody's willpower alone, if it is alive, that is.
I remember lying on a cold empty car road in the early hours of 1st January 2015 thinking to myself how pointless everything is. I eventually decided to give it a shot, see if I can turn my life around. Got up, walked home. If I knew how it's going to go, I'd probably not bother. 4/9 in half an hour. Only because I got miraculously saved by a phone battery that ran out of charge.
