I don't want sex, I want intimacy

It's OK to want to be loved. Nothing could be more normal than that. Some are desiring sex for purely physical gratification. Some persons have that desire because they want affection and care from someone else. They feel that they're wired to share their lives with someone. Don't feel bad about it, mate. We want to be loved. That's one of the reasons why human beings have survived for thousands of years.

 

Reminds me of that wojak meme. Sex? No, I need a hug.

 

I think deep down everyone wants that.

 

We all want both, sex and love. When you find someone to love, sex should be part of the package or you will have an unusual relationship.

 

Dude! Your heart is so beautiful! Don't get down on yourself. You deserve intimacy and connection, don't just "move on" - your desires for intimacy are something the right woman will find absolutely stunning and sexy about you!

I've come to find a similar fact about myself over the years - that my constant sexual hunger wasn't just biological impulses to procreate, that mostly they stemmed from the deep longing in my heart to experience true love and intimacy. It's so common for heart-centered men to misunderstand themselves and to be misunderstood by their family and friends. Your emotions, life-force, heart's generosity, kindness, desire to care for another and be cared for, are all gifts that you have that need to be celebrated. Celebrated by others, yes, but mostly and firstly by YOU!!!

Have you ever been told that your desire for intimacy and real love connection with a woman is beautiful, powerful, and valuable? When you start honoring these aspects of yourself, guess what!? your friends and family get a chance to honor them, too, and not just use you. Your current friends and family will honor more of your authentic nature rather than your shell. If they don't, they may not be in your life as much but you will attract new friends (and a partner) that are attracted to YOU and your heart, not what you can do for them.

Nurture and nourish and hold sacred that beautiful heart of yours!

 

I also want to acknowledge you for your insight and self-awareness and sharing this with us.

 

I love rough passionate sex, I love beating that thang up until my shaft & balls start to hurt from all of that pounding. Being on a long PMO is so beautiful. I see attractive women all the time but they are boring AF. Its only a small handful of women that I'm willing to exchange my sexual energy with. Make them earn your seed.

 

That's a great question! How does one "honor" themselves? In your case, you've got to let go of any cultural conditioning and comparison to the "average" male identity. The culturally acceptable "male identity" right now is toxic, objectifying, and not truly loving or desiring intimacy. Let go of that bullsh*t as our ideal "image" or model for "doing it right." (being a "man") You are the sole authority on if you're being a man or not, no one else.

Here are a few things I suggest...

1. Start reminding yourself every day immediately upon waking up and going to bed that your heart is a beautiful, precious, gem that has a deep desire to give and receive true love and intimacy. That this special quality that your heart has is a gift to the world, your friends, and the women and children around you. The more you can identify, embrace, celebrate, and shine your authentic heart, the more the universe will hear your message and respond accordingly (e.g. attracting to you people that see your special heart gifts; a woman who honors you). Find ways to orient to this new way of seeing yourself. Encourage it forward.
2. Really know this about yourself, deep down, and practice knowing this about yourself, daily, that your heart is valuable and set boundaries with yourself on how you treat yourself. Give yourself gifts, treat your body well, celebrate your loving heart, befriend your inner masculine and feminine, start witnessing what behaviors you do that make you expand with safety, trust, and recognition of yourself and what self-behaviors make you constrict and shut down.
3. Once you get traction treating yourself well, loving your unique precious heart, then (and only then) will others be given permission to also treat you well and honor your heart. Your heart is more intelligent than your brain. Trust it. If something doesn't feel good in an interaction with a friend/family member, speak up. Don't be afraid to hurt others' feelings. Often times, people hate it when you start up-leveling this way and will try to challenge you and put you down or make you feel guilty for setting new boundaries that you didn't have the day before. You are effectively saying "no, you may not feed off of my energy, my heart, my love, my light, my life-force, anymore. My beautiful, unique, sensitive, loving heart deserves to be honored and I'm learning how to do that for myself." I'm not suggesting to cut away your family and friends. What I am saying is that it's time to deepen in yourself and start honoring yourself, first, so that you have a baseline of discernment of what it feels like to be respected vs disrespected, even on the most suble levels in interpersonal relationships.
4. Find other people, especially other men, who are walking and living the path of heart-centered love ethos. Men who are working on self-improvement, who are learning how to respect women, who are learning how to access their emotional body and feelings, who are learning how to care for themselves, who value what you value, etc. There are undoubtedly men on this forum who want more than just sex/no-sex, who want deep connection and intimacy with themselves, women, the greater cosmos, and the sacred. It's important to find role-model men who demonstrate this. They are hard to find, but they are out there. It could be an uncle or cousin or author or political or historical figure that was committed to embodying love. No one is perfect, and we can't expect ourselves to be perfect, but there are manymen out there with big, intimacy-seeking hearts out there learning how to truly love.

I hope that's a good start. I hope these words continue to inspire you. You are not alone. Find your tribe! May you begin to see your true beauty and gifts so that the universe can see them and attract to you equally beautiful, heart-centered people. Heck, I was attracted to your post because I heart the call, the vibration coming from your heart. Sometimes it feels like an oasis in a desert. Your message has the intimations of a wellspring. Give it life!

That's it for now.

 

I understand the feeling. The longing for a woman who loves you despite your flaws. And the pain that comes when you see others in happy relationships while you don't have that connection but want it so badly.

As someone who's never dated, I know the feeling all too well.

 

I do want sex one day, but after realizing that I'm demisexual last month, I figured once I have a deep emotional connection with someone, my virginity loss would be like fireworks. But this nagging question still lingers: how long will I have to wait for that day?