Hi all, I would like to share my quitting porn journey with pros, cons and questions. I would like to know your genuine thoughts or advice on what I am about to share here. Please note I am not against nor with the idea of nofap. I am building my empire and my personality and just sharing experiences. This is going to be a long read… The idea of quitting porn came to me a bit over two years ago, due to what I believed was a porn induced erectile dysfunction. Start of a new relationship I discovered that sometimes I cannot get or keep an erection during partner sex. HOWEVER and this is a biggie to start with I have not found anyone describing their PIED issues in detail, so I never really had the confirmation that I indeed had PIED. In my case what happened most of the time was what I can only describe as a fight or flight response. I started to get an erection, got up to like 80% then with a movement, sound, hot or cold whatever the fight or flight response activated, cold feet feeling, sweating and immediate loss of erection. Like a cold shiver on my back and poof erection gone and no matter what I could not get it back. Interestingly after we eventually gave up and things calmed down, I got the erection just laying there not doing anything. Can someone explain theirs please as I am not convinced I did indeed had PIED, but more like a trauma from the past that activated a panic response after certain movements etc. I will get into details of why I doubt it was PIED. Let's talk about how I got there. I have never had erection issues except 3 occasions where it was a first date or a hook up and nerves or too much alcohol got to me. Then I got into a toxic relationship where nothing was working, but the sex. OMFG the sex was amazing. I went on a furlough during the pandemic, but my partner did not. During the day I was watching porn, masturbating sometimes two times even, and I was still able to get an erection with her in the afternoon and then in the evening! Then we broke up, I moved out and the second lockdown happened. AND that is where I think I majorly fucked up. I was drinking and doing “charlie” every weekend, plus I got into these edging compilation porns, which depleted and fucked up y dopamine system and brain. Got into what is my current relationship and that is when I realised I might have PIED and started researching and learning nofap. When I started my journey. My partner was and still is very supportive and I got through the worst withdrawal of my life. I had the whole scale of withdrawal effects you name it I felt it… One year went by and although I had withdrawal effects for like 2 months, I did not even think of porn for a year. I never got close to relapsing, I never even had the urge to peek a little or something. I was practising mindful masturbation and meditation, had cold showers etc, however my erections still were not 100% like they were, sometimes the fight or flight still hit me 3 out of 10 times, which is still a lot. That is when I started seeing a kinesiologist (you do not have to believe in such things, it helped me) and started working on what and why is my fight or flight reflex being activated during sex or certain sexual situations. After 2 months I was “healed”. No more erection problems or feeling of panic during sex. And comes the last 5 months, this year. The twist, why I am writing this. First my relationship, I have never had such a well working relationship, but we have a miss matched sex drive and sexual interests. It is like a complete reverse of my toxic relationship explained above, but here everything works fantastic, but the sex. Let me unfold, in the beginning of the relationship we had issues with not being interested in the same things etc, but that was fine, I got over it, not everyone can be into things I am. However, in the two years we have been together I tried everything and every way, how to communicate, address and deal with the miss matched sex drive and sexual interests. Nothing works, she is just not interested in anything, she said she is happy with our sexlife and not looking to get better or longer orgasms, or try toys. She does not wear lingerie, does not dress up sexy, does not seduce me or tease me. We have sex once or twice a week, the same time before bed, the same place, 90% of the time in the same position. She cannot orgasm from penetration only maybe 2 out of 10 times, but she kinda gets bored after 20 minutes and I can feel and see she is, in a way, rushing me to finish. I am super bored of this and no amount of communication will change this as she clearly said she is happy with the sexlife. Anyway this is something I am dealing with ATM, but not the reason I started this post, just relevant so I thought I would mention it. Now the porn. Before and After, and what I am experiencing. I was watching porn for the following reasons. I am a very sexual being and I see erotica in almost everything. I was using porn, to discover my fantasies, interests and mostly stress relief. If my partner was not into something I wanted to do, fine I watched it, or maybe watched it with her.(other partners ofc) NEVER been an issue, was no jealousy, no ruining the relationship, I have never experienced any of the things some people and adverts about nofap mentions. Never been ashamed of it, I have never had issues socially, or talking to a girl. Never had the heads down, locked into the basement and drool on porn girls life, never lost motivation, hell I wanted to get better, last longer, try new things with girls. It was motivating even. Until the PIED happened, if it was that? If it was not for that, I would have never stopped. Now, 2 years porn free and 5 months ago I am craving porn again. I want to peek etc. Not even during the reboot was like this. I am SUPER sexually frustrated, bored of my sex life and not being satisfied at all. I have not been to the gym in over a year, I am demotivated and drained. I am experiencing brain fog and everything that nofap supportists say porn will cause if you do not stop. I am having all these from not watching porn. I do not know what to do, what is happening to me and why now, or what this started happening now ish, but I am slowly starting to think I need a new girlfriend. Which is crazy, I love her and everything apart from the sex is fantastic. Please share your thoughts, experiences and advice if you have any. If not, still thank you for reading. I hope it gave you guys some insights of what is waiting for you if you stop porn. In my opinion it is never gonna be better, if two years was not enough, I think it is gonna be a constant battle, and if you are not careful on a shitty hangover day it will creep up on you and you will relapse. I left out some details, to keep it relatively sorter or shorter, but if anyone wants more details please let me know. I am happy to share everything that helped me with the withdrawal effects for example.
You've touched on a few relevant points there. Here's my advice: 1. Go back to the gym. If you can afford it, get a weekly personal-training session for the first couple of months, to get a customised program and someone to see you through your loss of motivation. If not, find a free training program online and follow through. You need physical activity to vent some of your frustration. 2) Brain fog is a symptom of prolonged stress. Just as watching porn can be the cause, so can a dull sex life be equally the cause. You keep mentioning that your relationship is perfect, but it's far from it. She might be "happy with her sex life", but you're unhappy with yours. At this point, nothing but a frank conversation about what you want from her will change the situation. Even propose couple counselling. You'll have to raise the spectre of you leaving for her to change though. As depressing as it is, most humans act out of fear. In this case, the fear of losing you might spur her into action. But you have to be ready for the opposite outcome: she gets offended, accuses you to be superficial and moves out. My advice in that case is to stand your ground , let her go and find a woman who is both sexually compatible and a good personality fit with you. I understand that you've been scarred by your previous toxic relationship, but I can guarantee you that you can have it both ways. You don't need to settle for a starfish. In the end, what you do is up to you, but I don't see any resolution other than laying your cards on the table or resigning to a life of frustration.
Hello brother, I can relate with the "I see erotica in everything part" as I am working on reprogramming my brain to not focus on sex around women I find attractive, this is tough after decades of porn use. Bouncing your eyes away and being respectful is recommended also being mindful to what your watching on screens, If you save your eyes for your women she will actually look better to you and sex life should improve. However I disagree that anyone must be a "very sexual being" and believe this is actually disordered whether seeking dopamine or just used to a cycle of daily/weekly choices. I wish you well and hope this gives you a small perspective that helps you seek what you are looking for.
Do you think you were using sex with your previous partners as a substitute? Another form of acting out with intense sex?
You use your partners as a substitute to p. You have been a porn addict now you might be a sex addict. You need to abstain from even sex and your parner is loving and she will support you and wafter 30 days when you do it im sure you will feel connected to her even with vanilla stuff. If that doesnt work breakup and find someone whos into your taste ut i recommend this is a healthy rel and you should work on it.
