Hey guys, This is my first post on this forum. So the small backstory is that I did No PMO last year for almost 5 months. I felt way stronger, ate a lot, my voice grew very deep, muscles became hard, i could eat two large pizzas and still would feel hungry. I was able to handle the most stressful time and was always happy. I even tried to cry but couldnt. Infact I would just burst into laughing and would think that its stupid and I should have fun. So the problem came in January. I went to a meditation retreat for 10 days, which made very weak from inside. My ego was gone and I felt like I should give up everything and be a saint like person in the world. And so one day I just came across a video and then broke my No PMO streak. Also I realized that when I didn't PMO'ed, women were intimidated by me and would always back-off. Once I started again, I became less intense and was able to connect with more women but still didn't the opportunity to get a gf. Although I already had a gf before, who was insanely crazy for me. Story now: I recently broke up and realized that I have been rejected by all the women (even the ugliest 30+ years old who were begging to date any guy) regardless of if I PMO'ed or not. I feel even worse cause the only women I had who was crazy about me and even said that she had a crush on me, says that I'm just her friend now and she doesn't feel about me anymore. And so nowadays, I've been into PMO and have been releasing 3-4 times a day. The problem is that if I do follow NO PMO, I get depressed cause I know I will not get any women whatsoever which is opposite of how it should be, but then I also know that me being intense after NO PMO WILL drive women away and so I'm stuck. I dont know if I should do No PMO but then I need a strong reason to do so cause I know I'm like a tiger if I follow No PMO. Please guide me to follow one path.
Welcome! You have placed yourself between a rock and a hard place. Your mind is playing all kind of tricks on you. No question the path to follow is No PMO!! You have to firmly believe that in order to succeed. You have to be ALL IN! No PMO is a tough life long struggle, but so totally worth it. Trust me, there is no good in PMO in any shape form or fashion. Any positive that you can think of is a lie. I wish you success on the straight path: I highly recommend this post by another member: Nobrainer. It is his top tips to no fabbing. My top tips are: 1. Create a strong resolve Consider why you are here trying to quit porn/ masturbation. Write down why you are here and why you decided to take the nofap challenge. Write down why you want to stop masturbating/ watching porn. How is your addiction affecting your life? What can you achieve if you can quit? Write down what you’ve learnt on your journey so far. This may include identifying your triggers. Write down what you still want to achieve in yourself. This may include your career aspirations, or aspiring to improving your social life or love life. Or it may include how you want to manage yourself in future, or how you want to improve your self-discipline Write down any benefits you have experienced so far from abstaining from porn/ masturbation or from trying to improve your life. Consider how you would feel if you were to relapse. Note down all the reasons why you want to avoid relapse in order to realise your long term aspirations This resolve will help you along your journey. It will provide you with motivation during the good days and the bad. It will serve as a reminder to how you want to improve your life. Look over it when you are facing urges, or when you are having a shitty day. No matter your present circumstances, there is hope for the future, and I hope that by realising your own potential, you can find the strength to move forward. 2. Start a journal I highly recommend starting a journal and updating it regularly. Updating daily is ideal. This forum is relatively predictable, in that you get out what you put in. If you update regularly, you will with time acquire supporters and friends. If you ignore your own journal, you too will be ignored. Others have no way of knowing how you’re doing if you don’t tell them. 3. Get accountability As indicated in point 2, receiving help from others is one of the most beneficial sources of motivation to continue on this journey. I suggest finding a like-minded person on the site, befriending them and staying accountable to that person. I do not recommend posting in the accountability section, rather read through other’s journals and try befriending them through private messages. 4. Make a strategy/ action plan This is one of the most important things you can do. Rather than focusing on what not to do, focus on what you can do to improve your life. This includes finding other activities to fill your time with. These activities will serve to let you form healthy habits in your life, and will, with time, naturally lead you away from more destructive habits like PMOing. Decide what activities you want to do each day, and endeavour to complete as many of them as possible every single day. Every new day presents an opportunity to improve yourself. Breaking it up into single days makes a long term goal seem more achievable. Make a weekly calendar and update your progress of how many activities you’ve completed each day. It is up to you what you want to aspire to achieve each day, however I have found these activities to be the most productive with respect to nofap: Daily meditation Cold showers Doing some sort of exercise Keeping clean and tidy/ doing a household chore/ helping your significant other with chores Maintaining a healthy sleep schedule Practicing a hobby you enjoy Staying hydrated Eating 5+ fruit/ veg a day Practicing good posture Note that it is not easy to maintain a schedule long term. It takes hard work and dedication. With time it will become a natural part of your life, however early on, you may have to force yourself to do the activities. The aim is not to complete everything on your list, but as much as reasonably possible. You don’t have to beat yourself up if you miss an activity. As long as the program is leading you away from PMO, or other destructive habits, it is working for you. With time, you should figure ways to improve your program. 5. Embrace the flat line Many guys hate the flat line. However if you welcome it, you’re giving yourself a free ride to abstain for a few weeks or more. The flat line is temporary. It is not indicative of any permanent changes. It is merely your brain adjusting to the serious changes you’ve made. Do not test things out to see if they still work. Just like an urge, ride it out until it ends. Even if you don’t feel good during the flat line, it is surely better than feeling terrible, and facing strong urges. 6. Understand that relapse is a choice Although the program mentioned above in point 4, allows for some leniency, I do not recommend giving yourself any leniency when it comes to porn/ masturbation. Some people on this site say that relapse is part of success. I would have to disagree. Relapses are mistakes that we make on our way to success, they should not be a part of the bigger picture. If you relapse, use what you have learnt so far to your advantage and start again. Re-consult your resolve and your action plan, how you failed or what your trigger was, and learn from that mistake in order to move forward. For every urge you face, you give yourself a choice. Do you give in, or do you outlast the urge? No urge is uncontrollable. No matter how shitty how situation is at the time, you can always make the right decision to walk away and stay clean. 7. This journey is not easy, but don’t give up No one ever said this was easy. In fact it’s fucking hard at times. But don’t despair. The deeper the hole you’re in right now, the greater the potential is to rise up and improve yourself. There is hope for everyone. If your situation is 10 times worse than the guy’s standing next to you, then you’ll have to try 10 times as hard, but the potential for success is the same. However, you’ll never know it if you quit. You’ll never experience that success if you give up. 8. Stay active on the forum Just as you would appreciate receiving help from others, give your advice to those struggling on the forum, or those who you think would benefit from your advice. Not only are you helping them, but you are also helping yourself, by cementing your own values, further strengthening your will to carry on. 9. Good luck I hope this advice will be useful to you. Let me know in the comments. I may share smaller details in future, as the devils are in the details. Especially with those points relating to how you can get the best out of what you’re doing in your program, while keeping it realistic. I would say, good luck- but really, do you need it? It’s up to you, and I believe that everyone can succeed at nofap no matter what their situation is. Go out and make it happen.
Thanks a lot Taqwa. I really appreciate the guidance you gave that I really sought for. I sure will follow all the rules and will keep an updated journal along with other guidelines that were mentioned. Just one more doubt that I had in my mind is that with No PMO, I felt really empty inside. This was due to the fact that I did became a very confident guy and did spoke to a lot of women but still wasnt even able to get any womens interest. And I know that this site is for No PMO, for which I am starting with full conviction and will for sure keep a journal and will post updates regularly. But the more materialistic value I gain in life, like I got an amazing job, have tonnes of great friends but still I'm stuck at the gf part. Cause Im always thinking that if after going to gym, losing 100lbs, studying hard and getting a job in one of the best industry, having a great sense in fashion and also being the confident and funny man, and so even after doing all of this, I am not able to get a gf, Im a bigg asss loser in life. I have all male friends who always say that they love to talk with me. Sometimes, I do think that it has to do with my ethnicity, cause I see real life people who are less developed physically, mentally and emotionally but from different race have women in their lives but I dont. I just turned 21 btw and yes I will follow No PMO with full dedication, but the idea of getting no interest from women, just puts me into this place of painful spiral. SOOO, probably I would definetely follow No PMO with full dedication and will hope that someday this path leads me to somewhere. That I dont know yet but I guess faith will help.
Be patient. You seem like a great guy! You have accomplished a lot in your young life. All great things require some time. Stay strong, head up.
Whats up bro. I see your situation and my advice for you would be to proceed with following NO PMO even though it makes you intense and intimidating to babes. I'm sure eventually that will subside and you'll get smart about how you act toward them. Then, once you find that balance again, you'll find another babe who's crazy about you. Trial and error man, just learn from your mistakes and you'll do better each and every time.
Hey nomster2104, welcome to NoFap! I definitely think no PMO is the best! I had one burning thought while reading your posts, which is...don't base your self worth on whether you have a girlfriend or what women think of you. You sound like a great guy! You can work on being happy with yourself when single. Actually, that's the best time to do it! Relationships work best when two self-content people come together. In addition to no PMO, you could find some things to cultivate your sensitive side. Hey, some of the manliest men have been captivated by art, literature, nature, social causes, etc. Then, no PMO will not make you feel too intense, but balanced. Cheers, Hezron
Definetely, I'll follow what you said and even try to incorporate more mediation in my daily life to balance out that intimidation energy instead of doing PMO. But yeah once I do ever get a gf, there's a beer due from my side
Yes, I agree. Although sometimes I do feel that if I had a partner who could grow with me and be with me in every ups and downs of my life, I'd be having more success in life, but then it would be all dependant. Also I dont know if I'm too young to think about these long time relationships. But then I guess being self-fulfilled is more important, specially in my case cause I do want to exuberate real confidence which would be build up through getting successfull in other fields of life. Regardless, I will follow no PMO not for the reason to get women, but to have a healthy mindset, just like healthy eating and healthy living so that if in case I dont get a gf soon, I don't fall back into the trap of PMO'ing just cause I never got any women. But yes I will definetely cultivate my intense energy into meditation and guitar and will try to see if I can balance myself out. Btw thanks a lot bro. It really helped me get a stronger direction in life.
Sure thing! You're on the right track. I like that you want to do no PMO for you! If you're working on being the best man you can be, you and that right woman will find each other no problem and your relationship will be built on growth and encouragement. PM me any time, glad to be here for you.
