On here, I always read about how people are trying to stop viewing women as objects...but how do u stop viewing men as sexual objects..like honestly..when i see a guy I forget they have feelings..and honestly just see..'inches' . Idk...for some reason i have it in my mind that all men want sex...and so i can just use them for sex if i want....but probably this is wrong thinking and that my thinking has just been so messed because of porn...and chatting online and cybering...people objectify me...and iv learned to objectify them in return....how do i change this thinking..
It's true, most men, and most women, want sex. People like sex, that's a fact of life. So perhaps the way to start seeing things differently would be to realise that sex is a natural part of a person's instincts and drives - but that it's just that, a PART of it, and that there's a whole lot more to any human. I think NoFap forums are a great place to see this because here there are a lot of people who are those people who seemed to ONLY be about sex, who seemed to have nothing else on their minds - but when they come here after realising how big of a problem it's getting, you often see the true person beneath all that who's been waiting to come out all this time. Perhaps read through some of the journals or success stories of some of the men here and it might help you empathise with them. I suspect that with continued NoFap you should start to view men differently. If you haven't already, then I'd suggest cutting contact with any men you kept around purely for sex if you want to change your attitude on that - or alternatively trying to change your relationship with them and explore friendship etc. Try to get to know more men that you can be friends with without either you or them making the relationship sexual.
I haven't had a huge problem with objectification in terms of sex, but in my past, I tended to view other humans as "below me" (yeah, I had a bit of an elitist complex -- it was my defense mechanism for being bullied for being weird). It was pretty poisonous and I'm glad I made my way out of that thinking. How I did it was learning to empathize and see other people as having feelings like I do, sometimes with lives much more difficult and much sadder than mine. I did this by reading a lot of "real" literature (Steinbeck comes to mind) and spending hours on Humans of New York. Lots of sad stuff... abuse stories, etc., but it opened my eyes up. That's how I learned to see people as people. And boy, it helped.
I think a female fapastronaut can answers this better as the psychology between men and women is quite different. I am still having problem of objectifying women and in some cases men too. It happens most on street when I walk. I try not to look at them while walking alone on street. I try my best to keep my eyes down while walking and it works.
Our brain is so drowned in dopamine that we don't realise that all that is normal flesh. It may be due to our animal traits, the instinctive mind cares a lot about reprodution. This and that are distorted nowadays. We search the feeling, not the purpose.
There are many worse ways to objectify men than just wanting to fuck them. For example, if I find out I'm your backup plan I'm going to get mad and I'm going to dump you on the spot.
Back up plan? I dont know..i feel like i objectify by telling evwry guy im in love with them and want to be with them..basically things they want to hear so they will have sec with me..i told one guy id marry him so we had sex but left him 5 days later..i never had any attraction or feelings for him at all.
Hey, thank you for your candidness here. Even though this is the anonymous internet, I think you are brave for sharing yourself this way. It seems to me that you've answered your own question.. 'my thinking is messed up because of porn' 'and chatting online / cybering' 'people have objectified me and I learned to objectify them' How about starting with those things? The first two, if quit, may help you change your thinking. From experience though, I'll tell you that there is usually an underlying driver that compells us into those actions and finding it and dealing with it will help a lot in your quest to both quit those actions as well as change your thinking. The last one is more involved since it seems to be tied in with painful experiences. It is a terrible assult on a person's soul to be viewed as such, and can do real damage. It is a kind of emotional violence. I am really sorry that happened to you and the effects you've suffered for it, and am thankful to see that you are willing to do what it takes to get better. Heal up, get those wounds treated and I think your thinking will get a whole lot better (c=
Interesting deb8 m8's, sexual addiction brings you to lie for example when you say "I love you", You're only in the body parts people are not minds they become parts. First as someone said before you can see all the symptoms of this (sexting, caming..) Have an internet break or try to get not sexually involved in relationships all the time. What is worse than being the slave of your urges... Good luck
I think you keep objectifying men because it fulfils some of your unmet needs, sowhere in your heart. If you are attracted to a guy, why do you feel to lie to him and to tell him that you love him and will marry him etc? Why can you not be honest with him. I suspect there is a fear of rejection here, with roots going deep. Look into that.
Im. Not attracted to the guy .lol Honestly i havent been attracted to someone in forever. I just say those things even if i dont like someone..
Well, my question still is the same - why do you say those things? What is your otivation, what do you want to have?
Make someone happy and think im amazing..or basically wither make them in love with me or sex crazed...in the past people made me feel worth something by telling me nice things..even tho they are only saying those things because of infatuation or lust..
Excellent answer! Why do you want these things? Why do you want to have someone think u r amazing or to be all over you in love/infatuation? What is it that you need behind all this?
Or, put in other words: What happens when there is no one telling you you are amazing? When no one is all over you in infatuation? When that well dries up? How do you feel about yourself then?
This is quite a problem for me too, to be honest the thing that changed my view is listening to the audiobook 'the truth' by Neil Strauss, how he went to sex-addiction therapy and all that, after being a pick-up artist. He's unlearning the mindset that people are just sex objects (not literally but it's not far away from the truth because sex is extremely natural) to more self-controlled true loving. I'm not changed yet, but this book has been the most powerful driver in my shift of thinking.
