Not a pretty subject, I want to know if anyone faced a similar demon. My situation is as follows: My wife isn't interested in sex (with me). So I M. Then she uses my M to justify no knockie, which leads to more M. I came across a Ted talk about this group and decided to quite porn and m less. Now I'm porn free and masterbation free for 10days maybe more. Wife is still pushing me away, a lot. It hurts. I'm starting to notice other women more (nothing serious but I know my old self and I could easily slip into old habits left over from my single days) this where my problem is: I'm in a sexless marriage, working to improve myself with a woman that not willing to do the same for herself? How do I even communicate this with her? In my heart I don't want to cause my wife any pain but I do want to have that sexual spark back in my life. One last question, would it be so wrong to hit the titty bars when the wife isn't in the mood, it's not porn and there no sex (no chance of unwanted disease and or pregnancy) but it's not ethical either. Thanks in advance for your input and for reading all this mess.
Talk it out with her. She doesn't want sex? Ask her why? Ask her where can you improve to be more sexually appealing to her. This can be either for two seasons. Either she is trying to have drama and seek attention or she is really disinterested. Take her for a romantic diner, have some wine and make out. You don't have to have sex. Keep arousing her little by little everyday. Touch her more often, give her suprises, cook a meal for her, visit her parents, make her feel so special, earn the right to have sex with her. Simply tying the knot doesn't give an emotional right to have sex. Do things for her she really appreciates. She is a woman after all, she is emotional and you need to tap that. One of the best ways that I've heard and figured is give her a nice long body massage after a tired day of a stressful day. You need to make her feel super comfortable. Forget about you not having sex, enjoy the benifits of semen retention till then. Eventually she will give in. She doesn't want sex? Still fine. In short win her heart so much, penetrate her emotions so deep that she will want to be close to you, will feel the need to love you more. And when she does give in to sex it might not be a physical urge but an emotional urge of being close and merging herself with her soulmate.
Sexual rejection is tough. And talking about it in a sensible manner is even tougher! But it's more or less the only way to overcome this challenge. Before you resignate and go your own way, muster all your courage, sit her down and say: "Honey, I'm making a new start. I don't give a shit about M. I want you. All of you. We've had much better times. I want the intimacy back in our marriage. I understand that you can't just switch on the desire. There are things in the way. I'm ready to start on a healing journey, and I'd love for you to join me. Where do we need to start improving so you would be willing to team up with me?" You'll get an answer. You probably won't like it because it probably has nothing to do with sex, but this is where you will need to start. For us men, all we need for sex is to pull down our pants. For women, there is much more involved. Trust. Honesty. Companionship. Being around and being vulnerable with each other. Helping with the chores. Sacrificing. Listening. Talking. She'll point you to the area where she is currently hurt the most. Start there, and she will reward your efforts. Best to you!
I believe spouses should have the reasonable expectation of sex in their marriage. Never having it at all because one partner simply isn't into it should open up negotiation for accommodations. If you choose to be celibate, you don't have the right to sentence your partner to the same thing. I don't believe this should result in ultimatums, "I'll cheat on you if you don't have sex with me" etc, but there should be a dialogue about what's really going on and how both partners can have their needs met while still respecting each other and the relationship.
Well the good news I decided not to frequent the tity bars and or seek out an affair. Actually things with my wife are getting better, thanks for the good thoughts all. Wife and I are genuinely communicating about intimicy and related subjects. I am devoted to be a better man, and this helps.
