This was not supposed to happen. I never thought I had a problem...until I stopped being able to cum while having sex with my wife, but cum easily while viewing porn of other men masturbating. I'm not gay--just frustrated and confused. What was infrequent somehow became a sick dependence which I still find difficult to admit. I can't talk to anyone about how I have started to fake orgasms. My wife suspects and I am feeling ashamed and sick. Never imagined this! I am 63 and married for 35 years.
You ain't alone anymore, we're plenty of people here who know exactly how you feel! Porn has fucked up your brain. I know how unbearable the shame is when you can't cum with someone you are attracted to. I recommend visiting yourbrainonporn.com Your first step is to understand the science behind what you are experimenting. Ask any question if anything! You CAN heal from this. Good luck, Phyzik
I agree with what @Phyzik said ^ (above). These two videos are brilliant. The second one points out that 'older guys' (no disrespect intended) can actually resolve their problems much more quickly than guys in their teens and twenties!
I'm in my 70s and have a similar problem. I am working to quit Porn because I think its the source of my ED and penis insensitivity. When I make love to my wife (sexually), I try to take mt time, focus only on her, rather than on mental images or fantasies, and watch her face as she gets excited. That helps me stay erect and reach orgasm inside her. I asked her not to perform oral sex on my so that I don't focus on orgasm but rather focus on the love we share. I try to keep an orgasm a RESULT of our love making, not the OBJECT of our lovemaking. So far, so good. I need more time to find out if I can turn this disease around. Best of luck brother. Traci
Thanks. You know I didn't realize how much I depended on the porn. Nor how difficult it is to get out of my mind. Your suggestion to focus on my wife during lovemaking sounds good. It has been a couple of weeks since I have looked at anything. I can stop looking at it. For me that's the easy part even if it's difficult. It's disgusting that I have become the porn! I don't have to see it to be it--if that makes sense? Thanks again.
Thanks. You know I didn't realize how much I depended on the porn. Nor how difficult it is to get out of my mind. Your suggestion to focus on my wife during lovemaking sounds good. It has been a couple of weeks since I have looked at anything. I can stop looking at it. For me that's the easy part even if it's difficult. It's disgusting that I have become the porn! I don't have to see it to be it--if that makes sense? Thanks again.
Hey man we're in this together. I'm late 50's, happily married 34 years. I thought it was just a fun diversion, and even rationalized it by thinking it would make our sex life even better (last long, etc). But slowly started realizing, wow this is getting crazy. Found those videos on my own (the ones someone attached above) and really awakened me. Like IGY said, I found it fascinating that you and I, at our age, don't have as a bad a recovery because online porn is still (relatively) "new" to us, meaning we went through our teens and 20's thinking a Playboy was "porn". I had never thought of the young guys today, and how crazy it is for them - and what it can do to them and their mindset, their perceptions of what sex with a loved one is and can be. Crazy. I'm just starting out myself, on this journey with you. You're not alone.
What has been most interesting to me is how easy it was to get caught by the porn. What started as a once in a while thing I regarded as a rather innocent and even healthy curiosity, somehow developed into a real influence over such an important part of my life! All with me continuing to deny it to myself . And, by the way, what does "fap" mean? Masturbate?
I am trying to understand the reasons why I want to watch porn, and the trigger(s) which happen. Perhaps if I can figure that out I can know better how to cope. Boy! I really wanted to slip back yesterday! I didn't but I found myself reviewing things and wanting to stay there in my mind. (sorry if I am writing too much!)
You are watching porn because your brain is addicted, but also because you believe that your happiness depends on porn. I suggest watching Noah Elkrief on youtube for further explanations!
In the beginning I thought it made me feel more masculine...that it gave me better erections, that I was learning to be sexier in bed. It was about my insecurities. It felt like I was being more of a "guy." And for a while that all seemed to be true. I didn't watch it very often. Then my secret "helper" seemed to becme more necessary and that those people were like my friends...until it became the primary surefire way to get off and I couldn't get hard or turned on without it.
Of course my masturbation habit started a long time ago and got pretty intense when my wife left on business for a couple of months recently. I found that jerking off with those online buddies on the porn sites was even more intense...until it took more and more to get off. I looked forward to being with my wife again. Problem was that I could no longer cum when we were finally together. With her or by myself, without the videos I didn't function. And even with the videos it became more difficult to cum! Finding this site was an answer to prayer! And after almost two months of abstinence...I have been able to successfully make love with my wife again!! Twice in the last three days! I was pretty nervous about possibly having to fake it again but no need! Huge relief! Strangely after knowing what it had caused I was really tempted again the other day before my succes with my wife. But no more porn for me! Thanks for all of your advice here. I was very freaked and still am at how easily I became so absolutely disfunctional sexually! Thanks again for helping me out!
Urges are strange. Sometimes my brain says I know its wrong, but I just want to do it anyway. This is the addiction talking. We need to become stronger than the addiction, but its tough sometimes and there are very convincing arguments. I know things are going wrong when my brain refuses to come to nofap and I am then on a downward spiral. Therefore I try to come to nofap everyday to counter balance that.
