Yeah. Until about a year ago, I only ever went outside to go to school. Never left my street, or went in my back garden. Compulsive behaviours make it difficult to do anything. I hate the cringe people on social media who pretend to be mentally disabled for likes and "stim" making giggling noises when it's the most debilitating, soul crushing shit disease you can imagine.
Knowing I'll never have a family due to the chance of my offspring being mentally retarded from birth with zero chance in life. Knowing I'll struggle to get a job and make any friends. Knowing I'll be infantalized every time someone finds out. Fucking hell it's disgusting. I hate the word itself. I'm not in denial - I just fucking hate it.
Getting put into the bottom set classes, called either a retard or a "genius" because of it. Being told what you like, what you want, what you need, what you should do. Forever dependent on a system that turns you into a little pig to laugh at.
There are countless books from facebook mum's raising their spazzy sons, but when's the last time you saw one working as a lawyer? Or just as a functioning human being, a grown man? I feel nothing. To me, there is no difference between a human being and an object like a chair. I understand empathy and emotion, but in the flesh, a person to me is a slab of meat.
I sound like an ableist dickhead but honestly idgaf. I'm sick of either being labelled a literal bib-wearing drooling retard who can't learn his ABC's or some sort of stereotypical Sheldon Cooper savant. This shitty world makes no sense and they will actively drag you down to their level of misery and self-destruction.
A doctor is special. An athlete is special. A lawyer is special. A physicist is special. A historian is special. A writer is special. What's so special about some moron with a slow brain? Will he ever love? Will he ever achieve anything? Will he ever have a family? He isn't special, he is diseased. A retard with no hope of ever making it. That's how they viewed me. The bastards.
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