So yesterday I relapsed after having watched some Porn But it's so strange, I felt like It wasn't me doing all these stuffs, feels like I was being manipulated by the Devil I didn't understood nothing, How is that even Possible? Like i know how much Harmful Porn is, and How muuch side effects it can causes like : Numbing your feelings, weaking your immune system and so on.. and I watched it I feel like I wasn't controlling my own self, and I just watched It even though I was trying to resist it from my Inside, but I was doing it like I had no control over my Body. Does this happens to you too guys? Feeling like you're not wanting to Watch that shit, but your body moves on its own?!
It depends on how weakened your will is. Sometimes it happened to me as you said, in a very mechanical way. Usually this happens when I have relapsed multiple times, or when PMOed the previous days. The willpower is similar to a muscle in a sense. When you have it weakened it will be easier to fall. Also the brain gets used to it and remembers it how to get pleasure. Of course, we are manipulated by the devil, but not in such a direct way. Those cases are very rare. I would focus on how to strengthen the will, and wouldn't worry too much about what you said. Also because thinking like you said is a way of getting rid of responsibility IMO. Hope it helps, keep going mate!
While the devil is a personal malevolent entity to be reckoned with, I wouldn't go looking for him under every rock (perhaps under every 2nd or 3rd rock) or explaining everything due to him. The dichotomy that you find within yourself is also your higher self contending with the flesh (or your addict self). There are three classical enemies to the higher self - the flesh, the devil, and the world, not just the devil alone. Yes, the addict self can be venomous, and if your higher self gives up his consent or pauses in not saying "no," the addict self easily anesthetizes (puts in a coma) your higher self and takes over, but only because your higher self failed to take control in the critical moment. Not doing anything at all in time (like deliberately pausing in indecision) is also failing to take control and giving away one's power. It's like driving on a highway and needing to take the next exit. If you pause and deliberately become indecisive, the critical moment passes, and the choice is made for you - you keep moving forward with traffic and you've missed your exit. Hence, you must choose, but also choose in time. The experience you relate, then, is quite typical: it's like you're watching yourself from outside doing what you don't want to do. Just as St Paul states that the good he wishes to do, he does not do, but the evil he wishes not to do, he does. Hence, it is good to think in terms of your true genuine self and the addict side of you. A great book for this, which largely helped me and many others on this site, is George Collins' Breaking the Cycle. The book is of great help for identifying the true and addict selves within you, enabling you to shine a spotlight on the addict self anytime he lurks like a mist (the mist is made tangible and personified, thus better conquered), thus putting him down in his place rather than his dominating you in the critical minutes or seconds. I highly recommend this read. Best wishes.
Addictions are crazy. Porn is more addictive than some kind of drugs, due to the amount of dopamine released. Your brain becomes addicted to this dopamine amount, and since it cannot find it on something else, it tells you 'HEY GIVE ME THAT DOPAMINE AGAIN'. Change your habits to become stronger. You can find some tips on my profile.
