Hey, I'm 22 years old, and I turn 23 in a couple weeks. I'm not looking forward to it because years ago, I told myself that I would be free by now, and still, I'm not. My addiction to porn has been a never-ending battle, I feel like I've tried everything to quit but nothing has worked, and I need help. Any help. Every type of help. It is destroying my life, especially because my particular porn addiction is gay-porn and yeah, I'm a guy. It has tricked me into thinking I am gay over and over, it has caused me to have an intense attraction to men, it has pushed me to near suicide, and worse, it has caused extreme difficulty between myself and the love of my life. My girlfriend and I make 5 years soon. I made the mistake of telling her a year ago, and it broke her heart, big-time, I was just so desperate, I knew I needed to take drastic measures in order to change and she was the only one I knew I could trust. At a family dinner recently, somehow it came up that if I were gay, everyone would kick my ass... Anyway, We found the "your brain on porn" website, tried different things, but it was all too much. I beat myself up about dumping this on her, she deserves better. Still, In order to save our relationship and her sanity altogether. I lied, and I've been lying ever sense. She thinks I got through it, but I haven't. I know that the facts of my life may suggest that I'm Gay, but I know that the truth is that I love my girlfriend and I want to spend the rest of my life loving her. So, I'm trying out this NoFap thing. Sorry for the long message, that's the short version of my story, if anyone has experience specifically in dealing with Gay - PMO, I really would appreciate your advise. Thank you
Hi there WinTheTruth. Welcome to the website and congrats on taking the next step in getting help! Please don't be discouraged about getting stuck in the same addiction after years of trying. You may be a young person but there are many of us on the boards that are in our 30s, 40s, and so on that have dealt with this for decades. I think it is fantastic that you are trying to deal with this at such a young age and wish I had this kind of thing around when I was younger. Also, I wanted to say I am so sorry to hear that this has nearly caused you to commit suicide and about the hostile reactions of others to you confiding in them about your addiction. That is a terrible thing to do deal with. I think you have come to the right place with a very supportive community where we are all struggling in our own ways. If you look around this website you will find some materials you may not have had already that can help you get started. I arrived at these forums through http://yourbrainonporn.com/ when I was introduced to the "Your brain on porn" series on Youtube by a friend not too long ago. You will find all kinds of articles explaining the science behind the addiction, and some ways to get yourself on a program to stop. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and give you some encouragement. Stick around and be sure to update us on how you are doing on the journey. -J
