So I went to meet my gf yesterday and we got intimate. So I have a history of 10 years PMO and PIED. So last two times when I tried to have sex with her, it got failed because of my weak erection due to PIED. So I decided to abstain many times but failed miserably. But recently I started abstaining again and I must say I have literally 0 urge for masturbation and I have a very strong mindset all of a sudden. It never happened to me before because I was a heavy porn user and used to masturbate like 4-5 times daily. But to my surprise, I was able to penetrate her yesterday and it’s been only 6-7 days that I’ve started to abstain and when I penetrated her I didn’t feel much but I felt confident at that time. I didn’t ejaculate, i guess it’s because of the lost sensitivity, but I know i will eventually gain that sensitivity too if I continue walking on this path. And before this BJs felt like someone pinching my penis and they were so painful, but this time it felt good comparatively, again because of less sensitivity. This was only till the first 2 hours or so, but after that my lumpy penis came in the way again and the same problem occurred that I was not able to penetrate her any more, but at least I was relieved that I was healing. I am slowly gaining my sensitivity and want to regain myself with that. Now the scary part is that I’m not focusing on my emotions now and it’s tearing me apart. I’m just focusing on my PIED and PMO, but not focusing on my emotions. So yesterday it felt good to meet her, but just “good”. I wasn’t that excited when I saw her, but I know I have deep feelings for her and ig that’s because of low dopamine and lower libido. I feel it would take me somewhere between 3-6 months to completely heal and enjoy my life like before and I am really up for it.
^this. try focusing less on what you want / dont want in detail, and just remove PMO from your life. Its like if you were an alcoholic, would you plan all your social activities out and how you wanna go to bars or clubs and dance more? or would it not be more successful to just focus on recovery and not drinking? recovery comes first, rewards later.
