I'm really struggling with my wifes reaction to catching me watching porn and my porn addiction. She's understandably really angry and upset with me and she doesnt want to talk to me or have any physical contact with me whatsoever. We are campsite wardens and work together, live in a small caravan and neither of us have anywhere to go to. We are in a part of the country we've never been to before so we have no friends or family here. The only people we talk to are our work colleagues and I feel its really not approriate to discuss this with them at all so at work we have to pretend everything is fine to a certain extent. I'm feeling really isolated, lonely, scared and trapped in my head.
You should look for an SA meeting in your area. https://www.sa.org/meetings/ You both probably feel horrifically lonely. Your wife is keeping you at a distance after catching you and she just lost her husband as she knew him. When I discovered my husband, it was as if he'd died. The person I'd chosen to date and marry and be with forever had simply never existed and it felt very much like I was mourning his death. I recommend you find a group and communicate to her that you are going to get professional help for your addiction so that you can be a better person and husband and that you will find a CSAT therapist and a sponsor and put together a formal disclosure for her. You have been caught. That is incredibly damaging compared to admitting a problem and going to her for help. The next worst thing you can do is to continue to lie or to "drip feed" her information. Every time my husband dripped new information, it was like I was back at the beginning all over again. Get professional help. Tell her you love her, but let her have the space she needs. Go do your work so that you can be someone she can stand to be with. You can do this.
I agree with this topic being inappropriate to discuss with work colleagues. Definitely keep them out of the situation. This is between you and your wife. Is this her first time catching you watching porn? How long have you been an addict? I think I need some extra details before I can recommend a proper course of action. Nevertheless, if I were in your shoes, I would sit her down and explain everything to her and reveal any inner issues you are having with her. It will bring to light your inner issues and, given that your wife is forgiving and wants to help you, will allow for you to move on and rebuild whatever was lost in your relationship from this unfortunate event. Just talk to her, man, and don't hold back.
