So, let's discuss about fear of approaching women and fear for women. I and most guys have this kind of fear. We shouldn't have any fear as long as we act politely, correctly, treat her with respect, respect her boundaries and choices etc, still despite knowing this there still is some fear. Reason 1: some say it is because of how society was setup in the past, small village life etc, one wrong move and you blew up your chances of ever getting married, because everyone will know your bad news, so that's why the nervousness, it is ingrained in us men and maybe inherited from father to child or something. Reason 2: fear to be alone, yes being alone, really alone, meaning imagine being the only one left, no family at, so no mother, no father, no brother, no cousins etc, or maybe you have family but they treat you like a stranger. No friends, no one wanting to be your friend etc. Reason 3: Maybe you are not really satisfied with what you have achieved or maybe you are an overachiever, let's be realistic not all of us can be as rich as Elon Musk. Reason 4: maybe we havent really learned how to manage illogical fears, we are afraid for no real logical reasons, we should train the mind, is like some people have phobia for spiders or something. Reason 4: Maybe we should learn to love ourselves more, learn to live alone if we must live alone and focus on self development instead of self pity and loosing valuable energy and time for self development Reason 5: maybe we should think about what honor is, morals, respect, loyalty, trust etc is and take a stand, have some balls to live according to some code of ethics even if it means being rejected by every girl or woman in the world who break the code of ethics. For example: If you show up on time for a date and the girl is an hour late and hasn't inform you, the right thing to do is correct her behavior, even if it means loosing her no matter how beautifull she is. She broke the code of ethics so she should be corrected. Reason 6: Maybe we care too much what people think that we will be laughed at if the woman rejects us. Well just some thought, feel free to add your thoughts
How would you rate your fear of approaching women in public from 0-10? I'd rate mine 4, sometimes I have the urge to say something but would feel like the time or setting isn't appropriate for whatever reason. Like in line at drug store, a few weeks ago this woman repeatedly turned around and looked me in the eyes. I smiled but said nothing. I felt if I started a conversation on a short line it would be cut very short and not really worth having.
I broke it off with my gf of 12 years about three months ago bc of my PMO addiction. I'm just now starting to get mentally healthier again. All my free time was with her and her alone. I don't have anybody in my life that I could really call a friend. I want to start going out and meeting women but am terrified as to how I should even approach her and what to say to strike up a conversation. I'm hoping as I get more days under my belt I will have more confidence and it will become easier for me. It's been along time with one women and I really have a lot of fear about putting myself out there. Anyone got any suggestions?
Yes I think I grew apart from her. I hate to say it but your probably right. I've been sober for one year now and I have 20 days no P. As my thinking is getting clearer I'm starting to understand my thoughts and emotions and process them correctly for the first time in a long time. Most of the time I was with her I was using and stuffing my real feelings I had for her away and just trying deal with it. Plus I work out of town and I wanted her to move in with me and asked her multiple times and she never would.
SR is a breakthrough for me. It helps with anxiety in general. So I don’t have an issue chatting up with girls but I did have an issue before SR. This doesn’t mean I am going to ask for their # for a date. I am still working on it.
I'm pretty much feeling all of these bullet points. I feel like a stranger to my siblings... I feel unsuccessful and just gaining more and more un respected attention from family. Non the less I can't get myself to speak to any attractive customer in my work field or co worker. I don't feel anything else rather then a fear like I'm not worth their time. It's like this spunky teenager self that I was has just vanished.. I can have full conversations with older woman I'm unsure why. But it's like I feel a blockade towards younger gal's early 20's mid 30's...
I don't know anything, but what has helped me with fears regarding approaching women is realizing that I'm doing it for me, not for them. I'm testing myself. It's about me overcoming my fear and realizing that this woman is not the arbiter of my self-esteem and confidence - I AM. Maybe that's selfish - but if I place all the emphasis and importance on her and her reaction, I give her my locus of control, and that's a recipe for disaster. Albeit, the fear of rejection is a difficult thing - as is rejection itself. I find that with a switch in perspective, the rejection helps me. It's a two for one special. I, 1) acted despite my fear in approaching you, thus, I build courage - and the next time becomes easier. 2) I learn how to handle rejection without self-pity, resentment, or anger. Shout-out to all the women who ever rejected me, Lord knows I needed the humbling and the ego deflation. Peace,
