Hi guys, I would like to share a bit of my story today. First I'll cover the effects of quitting and then how I managed to do it. Here we go: Some eight months ago I decided to quit porn and masturbation. I used to masturbate to porn at least once a day every single day, sometimes even twice a day. I started doing this when I was 13 and I'm 34 at the moment. The main consequence of my compulsive behaviour was my poor sexual performance. I couldn't really focus nor connect with my partner while having sex. Also, my erections were weak and I couldn't finish. Besides this, there was a constant sense of guilt, I knew I was doing something 'wrong' and I didn't want people to know that I was doing it. In any case, I don't remember exactly when but I came across a video on youtube about porn addiction and then everything made sense. After that, I found this forum which helped realizing what I was doing to myself. I stopped masturbating and watching porn cold turkey and also removed facebook and instagram from my phone (among other triggering apps). Within a week I started feeling odd, I couldn't focus even when performing the most simple of tasks. I was very very anxious, I had the sensation something very bad would happen any moment and I felt at the verge of a panic attack. Also, I couldn't sleep and when I slept I had wet dreams. All of these symtops lasted for some weeks and I was very close to quitting. Mainly because I was uncomfortable and afraid of feeling the way I was. Somehow I continued, always reminding myself that these symtoms would pass. And guess what? they did. After a couple of months I started feeling different. The anxiety and the brain fog went away and I started to feel full of energy. I used to be an anxious person but now my basal level of anxiety is very very low. This only changed once I stopped PMO so I'm pretty sure my habits were to blame for my anxiety. Not only that, I could finally enjoy sex, I could connect with my partner and have a great time with her. The first time I had sex after a 4 month period of abstinence was incredible, such a strong sensation. Now I enjoy sex in moderation and feel great about it. Another consequence of abstince was rather unexpected for me. I realized why I was obssessed with sex in general. It became clear that I used to use PMO as a way of avoiding reality or 'medicating myself' to tolerate it. Once I removed PMO I started noticing other patterns of behaviour that are related to this. I have cheated on several partners throughout my life and I have had several crushes while on relationships. After reflecting on this for a long time I discovered that I also use this as a means of escaping reality. If I'm unhappy I would start looking the other way and try to find attractive women. This happens because sex, and the idea of a potential new relationship have an incredebly strong effect over our brains and therefore our lives. When we flirt and go after someone everything else becomes less important and this is such a drug. After noticing this, this 'drug' doesn't seem so appealing anymore. I have had a couple of rough periods lately which would have triggered me flirting with other women or just fantasizing about it, but no. As soon as the idea pops in my head I remind myself of the reason this is happening and try to find healthier ways to deal with the current situations. This makes me lose interest in flirting and I concentrate in how to deal with my problems. I really feel like without quitting PMO I would not have been able to notice how my masturbation and cheating/flirting patters were related. How did I manage to quit? There are different ways of going about this but I'll just talk about what worked for me. First of all I had a serious talk with myself about the damage I was doing to myself. This had a huge effect, I felt like I was a drug addict for a very long time without knowing it. This allowed me to take the matter very seriously, even if other people thought I was being silly. I eliminated all triggers. For me Instagram and Facebook were huge triggers. All the content I was getting was too hard for me to handle so I decided to remove those apps from my phone. Some people may say that without them they social lives will be dramatically affected. It turns out this is not true. Give this a try (in case this is a trigger for you too) and you'll see that you are not missing anything at all. Live goes on, and you can contact your friends and family some other way. Anothe trigger was the morning time. I wake up before my girlfriend so I used to go to the living room and watch some porn. I still wake up early but I replaced the porn with watching some videos about tennis matches from the day before while having coffee. Meditation of going to the gym also work for me. Support from family and friends. This can be very hard for some, but opening up about it really helped. First, I told my girldfriend about it, I explained everything to her and she was incredibly supportive, which motivated me to move forward. Since we live together I could tell her how I was feeling and also helped me feel better. I also talked to my best friend and later told my parents. They were all supportive and told me that I was being very brave facing my demons like this. NoFap community. Especially at the beginning reading this forum was very helpful. I learned that I was not alone, people here are great and it feels like everything wants to help. I rarely use the forum this days but I still consider it a very important part in my journey. I would like to finish by saying that nothing is perfect. There are days when I still have the urge to watch porn because of something I saw on my computer or some thought. There are also some nights when I can't sleep and I feel like masturbating (I used to do this often) but I never do. I always think of the promise I made myself to stop damaging my life. This works because I never let my guard down. I hope my story helps anyone struggling with this. All the best,
Thanks for sharing, it really is inspiring! I definitely feel you on seeking beautiful women as an avoidance strategy. Also, good on you for persevering through the rough patch. I think facing the things we supress, while uncomfortable is the path to long lasting healing. Good luck on your journey!
This gave me the biggest hope! Thank you man! Which activities did you did to achieve this? How did you got yourself with work etc?
Thank you for sharing - there are many aspects of your story that I can relate to in terms of why I was seeking out P, even in a relationship. It’s good to hear your success and I hope to emulate you in four months from now! (Half way there)
Amazing read. Thanks for posting. So interesting to hear about how anxiety faded. That seems to be happening to me very slowly. It makes you wonder how many people walk around saying "I'm an anxious person, always have been" and could just be from watching porn. Insane.
This was literally me. During my teens I never considered myself an anxious person but when I turned 20 or so I started noticing how anxious I was all the time. I would usually say: 'I'm naturally anxious' or 'I tend to get nervous easily'. I am so sure the reason behind this was PMO. This doesn't mean that I don't have a bad day every once in a while or that I don't get stressed but the basal anxiety level is way lower than it used to be. I am definitely a different person and I'm very happy about it. I don't miss porn at all. There are a lot of people out there that will tell you that men need PMO because 'we are different than women', or that 'everybody watches porn' or that 'it's normal' and so on. They are so so wrong. Anyway, I hope the ones of you struggling with withdrawal stay strong. The symptoms go away and when they do you can start a new life.
Yes, no relapses. I also didn't have sex for the first three months, so no sexual activity at all. I'm not saying this is necessary, it was just my experience.
Did you use PC/laptop during first weeks of reboot? How did you manage triggers if so... I am extremely bad case. trying escape addiction
En Taro Adun! I only used my laptop at work. I used to use my phone to watch porn mainly so being alone with my phone and time in my hands was the worst. I removed a lot of apps that showed content I considered triggering. I also avoided movies/series with sexual content. Most importantly, I identified the most difficult times/situations and started to replace them so to speak. If the time before bed was a trigger I would have a strict plan for that moment of the day leaving no space for PMO. For example, I would read a book I really like before going to bed, I started getting excited about night time because of reading this book and then I wouldn't think about porn or how miserable my life was. So I think that works: identify your triggers,make rules and follow them. I hope this helps All the best!
Thanks for reply. I try again. I will keep trying until i overcome addiction. EDIT: Fvck, literally now, as i post that message, next page i tried to open was porn site. WTF! I did not even think about that. I might need to get rid of internet for some time
It may be important to go over your plan to quit and modify what's not working. Most importantly, how do you feel about PMO and quitting? Are you aware of how damaging those are for your health? For me, the answer to that last question was the key. I was causing damage to my brain and I felt like a drug addict all the time. I wasn't disappointed with myself but I was worried and that was a huge drive.
