Sick of this torture!

I am 36 years old, and have been clean and sober from all mind and mood altering substances for nearly 5 years. I am super grateful to be free from substance abuse addiction. However, almost immediately after i stopped using drugs i noticed (retrospectively) an increase in my masturbation and viewing of porn. At first ITdidnt bother me, i was just happy to be free from cocaine and opiate addiction. But now after 5 years, i am exhausted from this constant battle. If i dont have that first orgasm of the day (much like that 1st drink or drug), then im fine. But if i have an orgasm at 10 AM, im chasing thst feeling all day and find myself PMO'g 3,4,5 or more subsequent times thst day. I have been in one relationship since ive been clean and sober and it was pretty much solely sex based. She was a couple years oldrr thsn me, and the first week or so we hung out it was great. But, as soon as we had sex the first tine, all we did was fuck. Sonetimes like 5 or 6 times a day. It was exhausting. After the 5th orgasm of the day, i would find myself feeling just as gross as a i did when i was strung out on xrack cocaine. My soul was sick. My most recent sexual encounter was my most humiliating. After a period of fapping regularly for over a year, i found myself with a 20 year old lady with an amzung body. I met her at her place and as soon as i closed tbe door after entering, she started to take her clothes off. Sounds great right, well everything was. This girl had an amzing body, and i couldnt get my dick up. She had her mouth on my cock for like 10 minutes and it didnt get hard. First time in my life that ever happened. Im 100% sure uts related to my 20+ years of fapping. I started fapping a little late, age 14. I would always fantasize about girls in my school, some teachers, and britney spears. My sophnore year, i actually achieved orgasm in class ( there were several cheerleades in the class and i couldnt cintrol myself). I would position my arms in such a way that my elbow would rub my erection against my thight to reach orgasm. After the first time of doing this and getting away with it, this became a regular ocurrence. In my senior year i believe a classmate figured out what i was doing, but she never said anything. I was relieved when i graduated high school, it was a tough time. After high school my drug use increased, mainly just weed and hallucinogens. I worked at a dry cleaners and several of the customers were young businesss women. Sometimes they woould mistakenly leave there panties and thongs in with their clothes. I would masturbate and orgasm on to them. Eventually the cleaners closed. My cocaine use began, and my porn viewing increased. I would regularly stay up all night snorting coke and watching porn, tryong to achieve orgasm, but to no avail. Soon i met a young lady who was the sweetest thing that ever happened to me. We waited a whike to have sex, but by the tine we did we were so in love. It was great. My addiction ruined our relationship. After a year of being with her i was masturbsting and watching porn regularly. This put a wedge between her and i and we eventually broke up. This sent me down a spiral of harder drug use. IV use of cocaine, heroin, and othet opiates, as well as regular crack cocaine use. Like i said, ive been clean for 5 years and am so grateful for that. But this PMO thing has me at my breaking point. I need help. Please, any feedback is welcomed. Thank you. This Life is a Blessing.

 

Right on. Thanks dude.