Loniless as cause

Thanks for sharing Bea. I used to feel lonely and many times sad during my previous lifestyle of constant masturbation. Now, Im still single, as I have been for ages, but it feels alright. I want to have a girlfriend but I dont think I´ll feel bad if it doesnt happen now or in the next six months. Im confident that I´ll be alright, no matter what is the outcome. Its not only abstaining of masturbation (pornography has never been an interest for me). I think it has been important that I added positive habits in my life lately, like meditation, exercise, cold showers, etc

 

Everyone needs contact, and in today's world, loneliness is a massive problem.

Can you find ways to connect with people? Think of clubs, team sports, hobbies, community work, charities, … Your local newspapers might be a source of ideas.

 

Thank you. You are already succesful to make an effort to fix your problem. Eventually youll get there. And eventually Ill be completely succesful, more time is needed for me to heal.

 

I think the main problem with loneliness is that we are never meant to live alone. I mean for thousands of years we lived in tribes as groups - I have experimented with this.

I experience tremendous loneliness when living alone in my apartment in Vancouver, then when I was in a relationship with my previous partner, I moved out with her to our own home, and even though we had a really amazing relationship, I started to experience loneliness again while in the relationship.

Then I experienced living with groups of other people community housing, in a meditation retreat and with my own family with my sister, her kids and my mom and dad.

I felt that I felt most peaceful when I was living in a community of other like-minded people (community housing or meditation center) when living with my sister and family I felt more calm and non-needy

The most lonely was when I was either alone or living with just one person.

The thing to remember though is if one is lonely and trys to find a partner to release the loneliness, then one becomes a slave to that relationship - at any moment the other person can leave or cheat or passion die.

So I find the better way to be is to stop running from loneliness, bring love and acceptance to it and use it to find the love and peace that many of the great awakened beings talk about.

As my teacher Richard Rudd says the more evolve we become the more we add quality to our aloneness.

We can be alone and be fully content and blissful. I am not there myself but to the degree of loneliness, i used to feel I am certainly much more content being alone and the pull of neediness is droping away.

Another thing that is helping me to be non-needy is that it is becoming more and more obvious to me, that no relationship or person can ever make me happy. This is a great truth and the sooner we realize this the better we can love whoever we happen to be with and we become capable of real love which is non-needy.


how can we really love someone if we need them? Love is an outpouring of one's attention to another being, but if I'm desperate and needy and clingy how can i truly love you?

Any way feeling some loneliness tonight so this question came at the perfect time

BTW - becoming okay with loneliness is another level of evolution for me. It's like some days there is depression. Some days there is loneliness. Some days there is excitement. As the Buddha says all phenomena are impermanent and we only cause ourselves fuffering when we think they are permanent.

 

It’s a sort of cycle really. We get addicted to something because we feel lonely to cope with the feelings. We continue to feel lonely and use. We try to break the cycle and the loneliness stays.

I’ve worked with a group that examines social relationships. We are an isolated society at times with our engagement in technology. Facebook itself is isolating

Loneliness sucks. That’s the basic way for me to put it. Social isolation is shown to have such negative physical and mental side effects

 

Few years ago, I could feel very lonely while being in the midst of the masses.
Now, I can sit for hours alone in a room and I know there is no need to worry because Someone is looking after me.

 

You are who you associate with. Find some new hobbies. The gym, training, CrossFit is a good pace to start bea!

 

The problem is that loneliness itself is not a problem, it's a gift. By that i mean that if you suffer from loneliness then the cure isn't getting somebody to hang out with but rather finding a way to enjoy your time with yourself. Believe me, as soon as you can live without the NEED of going out with somebody, you' re going to work to start relations and friendships and enjoy that time. I wildly hate how it's difficult for me to write this thing without showing off or feeling stupidly costructed just because you're a girl, it's monstrously stupid but it's like this

 

No matter how much you enjoy time by yourself eventually you will need a companion.

 

Agreed.
I am extremely comfortable with my own company.
I can spend hours on my own every day.
But I still need others to complete my life.

 

But it's impossible to find a companion that will truly save you from your lonelyness until you are satisfied with yourself
And @Mordobarn you surely are right but I said that if you believe to have loneliness problem, in most cases you just don't feel good with yourself. I feel like isolation is also a curse, because without others you would just not get opinions and perspectives and widen your mind and everything else, you probably misunderstood my words, read again

 

You aren't alone! That's all I can say bc I'm seeking the same thing you are and am lost

 

Well, knowing yourself and understanding your cravings and emotions is a big discovery. Knowing that you can experiment with your feelings and actions. E.g. if you feel bad after fapping try to avoid it, somewhere the circle must break and its the starting path.

 

It is weird, but your profile picture created a 2% urge for a second or two to me.

I do not look at images of women in a sexualized way anymore though.